Pouring out your heart and soul can be considered, dangerous. We are outwardly and subliminally taught that vulnerability will leave you open for attack, or let people know too much about you. On some level this is correct. There are plenty of people out there who will use anything they can to manipulate you including the things you say about yourself…but truly what can anyone really do to you by knowing every secret you ever had.. They formulate opinions about you anyway no matter if you are goody 2 shoes or walking on the bad side. So lets step back and see what we are getting at….
I'm really making an effort to get past all these things just for my own happiness. I know that it's good for people to hear/read too but in the end I just want to keep firing my stoke on life all the time. I might be stating the obvious sometimes but I want to keep stamping it into my system. Saying things like we are all amazing isn't all that original but it has an impact on some level. On various levels probably. The laws of positivity keep us all on the same ground. We all have the potential to exert positive or negative energy into our existence all the time. We all have that choice equally. Obvious..right?
Another of my annoying personality traits has been the internal stress ball. I appear pretty cool and collected on the outside while things are churning pretty wildly inside. Our inner worlds are who we REALLY are so that makes me a total stress ball…again I'm stating the obvious for me. If you are perfect you don't have to read this part...The things is..we all have the common sense to know how things "should be" intellectually but how many of us are actively living and standing by what we believe. We read great books, or hear about lofty ideas in well written beautiful songs but what the hell are we doing and THINKING every moment. Is that what defines us? What does define who we are?
]]]}}}}}}}}}}}}888888EEEEe^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^............................
"What you give is What you get" and so another cliché goes. It doesn't have much impact when I read it but we really need to hear positivity and feel it all the time. If we care about each other we will continue to create that together… It's a constant creative process. Each new moment can go in any direction so we have to keep on training those muscles. We exist in a volatile and constantly changing universe..WE Are exploding stars re-generating into some new form all the time. The positive muscle needs a lot of exercise to flourish in this world. So that's why I keep writing. …I am back in the gym working out here a bit.
**********5555555========((((((((99999@@@@@@
Now that I'm getting a little more comfortable writing and posting these things I feel like there are so many ideas I want to talk about…but I don't know where to start. That's why we write songs..so we can express huge feelings and massive moments in 2 or 3 minutes. Its been fun to elaborate on details here and touch subjects that are always swimming around my head but I don't really talk about. It's really not easy to harness them into language and words that other people can understand too. How much goes on in your head that you don't talk about? If you are anything like me there is a good amount of interesting stuff that comes in and out without getting some real love and attention. For example I have been obsessed with Happiness my whole life..I always want it. I am seeking it. I don't have it. I think other people have it and I don't. I think I have it and other people don't . What the hell is it really though. What have I really been after? Lets look at wikiquotes:
*"Your soul is yearning for such a love that could extend the peace and happiness of your mind to a non-ending limit and make your heart blissful forever ." -Jagadguru Kripalu Ji Maharaj
I bought that one because it best describes how I feel about the journey I am on at the moment. I have been/done so many things trying to be happy. I have been a total selfish bastard, in countless attempts to achieve something that I thought would be happiness. I was trying to catch some elusive monster called "happiness" so I could feel it, experience it and keep it for myself. It sounds crazy. It is. This kind of mentality would just trap me into my own little hell...but I have kept on truckin. Talking about this stuff is great..it helps me get things into perspective and its fun.
"The Obvious" is the title of this blog for "obvious" reasons. We are all so similar and on the same page in so many ways but we really have to keep making a constant effort to break down the walls so we see the similarities and don't feel so isolated. Nothing is really as it seems which would mean nothing is really obvious. That sounds kinda cool I'm going to end with that.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Chapter 10: No Comparisons
We are all amazing in our own way. Who knows how long we have spent or will spend living experiences through different lifetimes to truly realize this. Who knows how many Orcs we have slaughtered, how many wheels we have invented, how many seas we have sailed, how many territories we have discovered, how many loves we have made and lost, how many bones we have broken, how many fights we have fought, how many moments we have looked at the stars and dreamed of something more meaningful, how many times we gave up and how many times we started again.
A friend and artist named, Liz commented along the way and I can’t freaking find the exact comment. I know it’s in there somewhere among those piles of blog comments but I’m sick of trying to find it. She said something like, “I have to stop comparing my success to other people’s successes” The quote really was better than that. If anyone finds the quote let me know. She gave the Souls copies of her new comic last night and it’s pretty awesome:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=80760
I really want to talk more about the comparison thing though..There are a million ways to stop yourself before you even start and this is one of the biggies. Somebody is always ahead of you, somebody has always achieved more, somebody has always been more inventive, original, or come at a seemingly better time in history to do/create some cool shit. Many times I have listened to that stupid voice telling me I have not been “original” enough, or I am not good enough, or a million other things I could have been but at the same time I have been envious of people who seem to be totally happy with a “normal” life.
I was visiting my Aunt and Uncle’s house last year during the children’s book reading/music tour Shanti and I went on. We were talking in the kitchen about this and that when my Aunt asked me something like,”Why do you think you ended up doing what you are doing, Gregory?(she really calls me Gregory) Is it because you wanted to be different and do something interesting?” I said yes, I wanted to do something original..BE an original and live an interesting, meaningful life. Then my Aunt addressed my Uncle with something like, “Why haven’t you done anything really interesting?” His answer was amazing to me. He said, “Somebody’s gotta be average.” He was totally happy with his life and himself. He was a gym teacher and wrestling coach/referee for 30 years. It occurs to me now that even though my uncle was not breaking the sound barrier, or inventing a cure for cancer he was confident with himself and happy with his life. Why? I believe the only way we can achieve REAL confidence and happiness with ourselves is to give of ourselves in a way that is original, individual and unique to each of us..so I think my uncle must have given of himself in a way he enjoyed to a degree otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to answer in that way. I don’t want to glorify my uncle here but what he said in this context can be a great example for all of us. “Somebody’s gotta be average.” He just didn’t give a shit. He was happy with the way he created his life and the way he gave love to the people in it even if on the surface it didn’t seem so incredibly amazing or interesting.
We are living our lives to experience our unique experiences that are unlike any other. Each moment is our close-up, our fifteen minutes of fame, our shining moment in history. It’s Happening Right Now!! Comparisons are a waste of time and have no value. Gym teachers and Rock stars both go to bed every night and look up at some ceiling, alone with themselves and the real intentions behind their actions.
Finding out what works for us on our own is the puzzle we all have to solve, whether you are a rock star or a gym teacher. There are plenty of great rock songs out there to inspire us, and a few uncles who are gym teachers to help us along now and then, but in the end nobody can do it for us… and that is; amazingly beautiful. Each and everyone of our journey’s is equal in greatness to the likes of __________ (insert “hero” of your choice)
A friend and artist named, Liz commented along the way and I can’t freaking find the exact comment. I know it’s in there somewhere among those piles of blog comments but I’m sick of trying to find it. She said something like, “I have to stop comparing my success to other people’s successes” The quote really was better than that. If anyone finds the quote let me know. She gave the Souls copies of her new comic last night and it’s pretty awesome:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=80760
I really want to talk more about the comparison thing though..There are a million ways to stop yourself before you even start and this is one of the biggies. Somebody is always ahead of you, somebody has always achieved more, somebody has always been more inventive, original, or come at a seemingly better time in history to do/create some cool shit. Many times I have listened to that stupid voice telling me I have not been “original” enough, or I am not good enough, or a million other things I could have been but at the same time I have been envious of people who seem to be totally happy with a “normal” life.
I was visiting my Aunt and Uncle’s house last year during the children’s book reading/music tour Shanti and I went on. We were talking in the kitchen about this and that when my Aunt asked me something like,”Why do you think you ended up doing what you are doing, Gregory?(she really calls me Gregory) Is it because you wanted to be different and do something interesting?” I said yes, I wanted to do something original..BE an original and live an interesting, meaningful life. Then my Aunt addressed my Uncle with something like, “Why haven’t you done anything really interesting?” His answer was amazing to me. He said, “Somebody’s gotta be average.” He was totally happy with his life and himself. He was a gym teacher and wrestling coach/referee for 30 years. It occurs to me now that even though my uncle was not breaking the sound barrier, or inventing a cure for cancer he was confident with himself and happy with his life. Why? I believe the only way we can achieve REAL confidence and happiness with ourselves is to give of ourselves in a way that is original, individual and unique to each of us..so I think my uncle must have given of himself in a way he enjoyed to a degree otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to answer in that way. I don’t want to glorify my uncle here but what he said in this context can be a great example for all of us. “Somebody’s gotta be average.” He just didn’t give a shit. He was happy with the way he created his life and the way he gave love to the people in it even if on the surface it didn’t seem so incredibly amazing or interesting.
We are living our lives to experience our unique experiences that are unlike any other. Each moment is our close-up, our fifteen minutes of fame, our shining moment in history. It’s Happening Right Now!! Comparisons are a waste of time and have no value. Gym teachers and Rock stars both go to bed every night and look up at some ceiling, alone with themselves and the real intentions behind their actions.
Finding out what works for us on our own is the puzzle we all have to solve, whether you are a rock star or a gym teacher. There are plenty of great rock songs out there to inspire us, and a few uncles who are gym teachers to help us along now and then, but in the end nobody can do it for us… and that is; amazingly beautiful. Each and everyone of our journey’s is equal in greatness to the likes of __________ (insert “hero” of your choice)
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Chapter 9: The Reunion Tour
The fire never goes out and I know this. Here is my reunion tour already. I said I was done with the Last Day on Earth but of course I'm not really. My new idea is to create audio video blogs with no words. Just short music and video clips. I'm still going to do it but I haven't had the time to get them together yet. It will take a bit more effort than just writing blogs(crap!! I hate that word!!) but it will be a whole new landscape. For now..Let's have a reunion tour. It's a joke that might only be funny to me but you know when so many bands break up and everybody gets bummed out then they just come back in a year or so. That's what's happening with this project..it just keeps going..Like Rob Santello said, "There is no final chapter." Its true but I feel good about putting the last chapter in that context, for some reason it makes sense and now we can all enjoy the reunion tour.
While we are on the subject this directly relates to one of my annoying tendencies. I always want to be done..I want to sit back and sigh and say, "alright that was good, let's just chill out now." Laziness? Yes, you've got it. A little laziness is ok but it can really screw things up at times.. I mean there truly is no rest for the wicked..We are always creating and living even in our sleeping dreams. Some part of me wants to just shut it all off for a while. I don't really know what that means??? I mean,, shut what off??? I guess I'm just ventilating my wacky ideas and thoughts here most of which don't make any sense…or maybe they do. The reunion tour rocks on.
Tonight was a pretty awesome night… but I have to give a little back story for perspective so you can feel the impact. DJ is another good friend of the Souls who has been working as a stage/guitar tech and keyboard player for a while now. He has organized his own soccer team that plays all year round in an adult league which has a summer season and a winter indoor season. The name of the team is Jersey Shore FC and they are totally the Bad News Bears. They have only won one game in seven seasons and DJ wasn't even there when they won the game. He was on tour with the Souls. To his credit he has kept the team going loss after loss after loss. He just loves to play. Whenever I can, I go and play on the team. I love to play soccer and I'm pretty good. I'm not much of a watcher and supporter of the pro leagues but I love to play. It was one of my first passions in life so it will always be dear to my heart. I would spend hours in the backyard juggling a soccer ball just to see how many times I could keep it up. It was a challenge I created on my own time and could set my own pace with.
Tonight was a great moment for the Jersey shore FC who have lobsters and mermaids on their uniform logo by the way. There were a few new players that showed up and a guy who never played goalie in his life played a great game. The goalie definitely gets.."The Budweiser Player of the Game Award!!" He truly did amazingly for someone who never played goalie. The team we played wasn't amazing but they had some good players and it was a great game. You have to keep in mind every other time I have played with the JSFC its pretty much target practice. Tonight it was a glorius battle full of drama and great moments from beginnig to end. Everybody played great. We really played like a team even though only a few people knew each other. Another big difference from past games was we had a lot of substitutes so we all could rotate in and out to get a little rest. In the end the JSFC won their second game 4-3. It was awesome. I assisted the winning goal and made some pretty good plays on defense too. JSFC stands at 1 win and 1 loss two games into the winter season. Anything is possible.
Since I mentioned Rob Santello..You all should check out his recent poetry/blogs. I love them. For those of you who are interested, Rob has been a good friend and inspiration in the life of the Bouncing Souls for many years. He was one of the first tour manager/merch people we ever had. He wrote a book that was released through Chunksaaah records documenting a lot of his experience while touring with the BS in the early days. Check out some of his blogs @:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=48458677&Mytoken=7C4689CE-B016-4022-92D3C82CE04D650049337441
His book is called: "Bloodclots in the Mainstream"
I didn't think I was going to write anymore for a while..especially about soccer but that just goes to show..you never know. Anything and everything is interesting depending on how you see it and when inspiration strikes you've got to run with it. I'm still learning/constantly reminding myself that life is about how you see it. It's about developing your own perspective. Without that, we really feel lost in some sort of not so tasty sauce. Here is a message I received that really strikes a chord on the subject..I was so refreshingly knocked out by this message from Nicole:
Its funny how life has a way about her of bringing certain things to you right when you need to stumble upon them...kind of like she's aware of what you're ready to be receptive to.
Im a pretty long winded, analytical person and I find comfort in words. Be they my own words or the words of others. Ever since I was 13 tagging along to sweaty shows in dingy, smelly venues across Southern California, music has been a key element in my personal and social growth. It's been a long road, but along the way I've learned to separate my self and my own ideals from the things I've learned through music. Ive learned that it takes more effort than simply listening to other people, that you still have to forge your own values and work on keeping your own conscience clear and karma good... Ive come up with a mantra that I thing sums it up pretty well "Its one thing to sing along and bob your head to the lyrics and music of others, but its a far different thing to actually live your own philosophy".
In the transitional phase that I find myself in its become apparent to me that so many people use music and other artistic expressions of other people to create their own identity. We subscribe to them, carry them around like flags to let people know who we are...how we think and what we identify with....like brownie badges of social acceptance. I belong to something because as evidenced by the Sick of It All shirt Im wearing. . . Its sort of a ridiculous contradiction of sorts if you really consider it. "I listen to punk rock music, therefore I am punk rock...whatever that means.... Jello Biafra tells me that the system is corrupt and so therefore I must believe it to be so and march around waving my middle finger in the air at the social majority which I so abbhor". We do it because we're supposed to do it, but do we even know WHY? When do we finally start to accept responsibility for our own ideals and start to ask ourselves what is corrupt? How did it get that way and what can I do to change it?
I think so much of our lives we are trying so hard to "be" something, to live up to a particular image which we have decided defines ourselves...but in the process we forget to allow ourselves to find out any real truth about the person we really are deep down inside that facade. For whatever reason I've realized this year that the person I had become as perceived by other people (and even myself) is really nothing more than one defense mechanism stacked up after another. For the first time in my life I can admit how exhausting it is to maintain all of those walls constructed around the truth that is really Nicole.
To have you articulate your need for love and acceptance, to have you acknowledge that no matter how many thousands of people offered you those things, none of it mattered because you didnt love and accept yourself? It knocked the wind out of me with its relatability. Im on a path of self discovery. And in this time I've referred back to so many records that I've wrapped around myself like an old familiar sweater. How many breakups have bands like the Descendents and the Bouncing Souls seen me through? How many social winters have I pulled out that old sweater to protect me from the lonely cold and indifference? I'd listen to Kids and Heroes on repeat like it was vegan chicken noodle soup for the soul...and feel like "SOMEONE FINALLY GETS IT!!" To know that someone on the other end of those lyrics which had helped to form my own identity can still be going through his own version of self discovery? It validates things on a whole other level. We are all a work in progress. Even the people who seem like they're light years beyond ourselves. . . There is a time in every adults life where you have to realize that the shit your parents, or "the system" or [insert crutch here] put you through is no longer an acceptable excuse to be an asshole. You're an individual and its time to accept responsibility for who you are. Jack Nicholson's character in the Departed said it best "I dont want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me". WORD!
On the pyramid of needs outlined by Maslow, the need for security and love and acceptance are the second and third tiers- only after basic human needs like food and water...acceptance of ourselves can only be reached once we've acquired those things from other people first. But some of us get stuck on the second and third rungs...we dont know how to pull ourselves onto the next. We dont know how to accept ourselves. At the top is self actualization. I think that for me, self actualization would be to finally see myself as who I am - without superficial banners to wave around proclaiming who that is to the rest of the world. To know myself and finally love and accept who that is? That would be a real step towards enlightenment. It seems so far away....
Thank you for the words you've shared with so many of us fucked up suburban punk kids throughout our lives. Without those words, a lot of us wouldnt even know who we are. How heavy is that?
;)
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=13484441
While we are on the subject this directly relates to one of my annoying tendencies. I always want to be done..I want to sit back and sigh and say, "alright that was good, let's just chill out now." Laziness? Yes, you've got it. A little laziness is ok but it can really screw things up at times.. I mean there truly is no rest for the wicked..We are always creating and living even in our sleeping dreams. Some part of me wants to just shut it all off for a while. I don't really know what that means??? I mean,, shut what off??? I guess I'm just ventilating my wacky ideas and thoughts here most of which don't make any sense…or maybe they do. The reunion tour rocks on.
Tonight was a pretty awesome night… but I have to give a little back story for perspective so you can feel the impact. DJ is another good friend of the Souls who has been working as a stage/guitar tech and keyboard player for a while now. He has organized his own soccer team that plays all year round in an adult league which has a summer season and a winter indoor season. The name of the team is Jersey Shore FC and they are totally the Bad News Bears. They have only won one game in seven seasons and DJ wasn't even there when they won the game. He was on tour with the Souls. To his credit he has kept the team going loss after loss after loss. He just loves to play. Whenever I can, I go and play on the team. I love to play soccer and I'm pretty good. I'm not much of a watcher and supporter of the pro leagues but I love to play. It was one of my first passions in life so it will always be dear to my heart. I would spend hours in the backyard juggling a soccer ball just to see how many times I could keep it up. It was a challenge I created on my own time and could set my own pace with.
Tonight was a great moment for the Jersey shore FC who have lobsters and mermaids on their uniform logo by the way. There were a few new players that showed up and a guy who never played goalie in his life played a great game. The goalie definitely gets.."The Budweiser Player of the Game Award!!" He truly did amazingly for someone who never played goalie. The team we played wasn't amazing but they had some good players and it was a great game. You have to keep in mind every other time I have played with the JSFC its pretty much target practice. Tonight it was a glorius battle full of drama and great moments from beginnig to end. Everybody played great. We really played like a team even though only a few people knew each other. Another big difference from past games was we had a lot of substitutes so we all could rotate in and out to get a little rest. In the end the JSFC won their second game 4-3. It was awesome. I assisted the winning goal and made some pretty good plays on defense too. JSFC stands at 1 win and 1 loss two games into the winter season. Anything is possible.
Since I mentioned Rob Santello..You all should check out his recent poetry/blogs. I love them. For those of you who are interested, Rob has been a good friend and inspiration in the life of the Bouncing Souls for many years. He was one of the first tour manager/merch people we ever had. He wrote a book that was released through Chunksaaah records documenting a lot of his experience while touring with the BS in the early days. Check out some of his blogs @:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=48458677&Mytoken=7C4689CE-B016-4022-92D3C82CE04D650049337441
His book is called: "Bloodclots in the Mainstream"
I didn't think I was going to write anymore for a while..especially about soccer but that just goes to show..you never know. Anything and everything is interesting depending on how you see it and when inspiration strikes you've got to run with it. I'm still learning/constantly reminding myself that life is about how you see it. It's about developing your own perspective. Without that, we really feel lost in some sort of not so tasty sauce. Here is a message I received that really strikes a chord on the subject..I was so refreshingly knocked out by this message from Nicole:
Its funny how life has a way about her of bringing certain things to you right when you need to stumble upon them...kind of like she's aware of what you're ready to be receptive to.
Im a pretty long winded, analytical person and I find comfort in words. Be they my own words or the words of others. Ever since I was 13 tagging along to sweaty shows in dingy, smelly venues across Southern California, music has been a key element in my personal and social growth. It's been a long road, but along the way I've learned to separate my self and my own ideals from the things I've learned through music. Ive learned that it takes more effort than simply listening to other people, that you still have to forge your own values and work on keeping your own conscience clear and karma good... Ive come up with a mantra that I thing sums it up pretty well "Its one thing to sing along and bob your head to the lyrics and music of others, but its a far different thing to actually live your own philosophy".
In the transitional phase that I find myself in its become apparent to me that so many people use music and other artistic expressions of other people to create their own identity. We subscribe to them, carry them around like flags to let people know who we are...how we think and what we identify with....like brownie badges of social acceptance. I belong to something because as evidenced by the Sick of It All shirt Im wearing. . . Its sort of a ridiculous contradiction of sorts if you really consider it. "I listen to punk rock music, therefore I am punk rock...whatever that means.... Jello Biafra tells me that the system is corrupt and so therefore I must believe it to be so and march around waving my middle finger in the air at the social majority which I so abbhor". We do it because we're supposed to do it, but do we even know WHY? When do we finally start to accept responsibility for our own ideals and start to ask ourselves what is corrupt? How did it get that way and what can I do to change it?
I think so much of our lives we are trying so hard to "be" something, to live up to a particular image which we have decided defines ourselves...but in the process we forget to allow ourselves to find out any real truth about the person we really are deep down inside that facade. For whatever reason I've realized this year that the person I had become as perceived by other people (and even myself) is really nothing more than one defense mechanism stacked up after another. For the first time in my life I can admit how exhausting it is to maintain all of those walls constructed around the truth that is really Nicole.
To have you articulate your need for love and acceptance, to have you acknowledge that no matter how many thousands of people offered you those things, none of it mattered because you didnt love and accept yourself? It knocked the wind out of me with its relatability. Im on a path of self discovery. And in this time I've referred back to so many records that I've wrapped around myself like an old familiar sweater. How many breakups have bands like the Descendents and the Bouncing Souls seen me through? How many social winters have I pulled out that old sweater to protect me from the lonely cold and indifference? I'd listen to Kids and Heroes on repeat like it was vegan chicken noodle soup for the soul...and feel like "SOMEONE FINALLY GETS IT!!" To know that someone on the other end of those lyrics which had helped to form my own identity can still be going through his own version of self discovery? It validates things on a whole other level. We are all a work in progress. Even the people who seem like they're light years beyond ourselves. . . There is a time in every adults life where you have to realize that the shit your parents, or "the system" or [insert crutch here] put you through is no longer an acceptable excuse to be an asshole. You're an individual and its time to accept responsibility for who you are. Jack Nicholson's character in the Departed said it best "I dont want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me". WORD!
On the pyramid of needs outlined by Maslow, the need for security and love and acceptance are the second and third tiers- only after basic human needs like food and water...acceptance of ourselves can only be reached once we've acquired those things from other people first. But some of us get stuck on the second and third rungs...we dont know how to pull ourselves onto the next. We dont know how to accept ourselves. At the top is self actualization. I think that for me, self actualization would be to finally see myself as who I am - without superficial banners to wave around proclaiming who that is to the rest of the world. To know myself and finally love and accept who that is? That would be a real step towards enlightenment. It seems so far away....
Thank you for the words you've shared with so many of us fucked up suburban punk kids throughout our lives. Without those words, a lot of us wouldnt even know who we are. How heavy is that?
;)
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=13484441
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
The Final Chapter
It’s 12:40am on Sept. 17th. That’s not really important in the big picture but places and dates have always been fun for me. I like knowing when a song was recorded, when a painting was painted, and when and where the guitar was made. It gives some sort of perspective that I can relate to, dream of and imagine.
Last night I visited my Dad’s house and saw his senior year football program laying out on the kitchen table. The cover says, “The ’64 Wagner Seahawks Undefeated Season.” I have seen it my whole life and always liked looking at it. I would always page through it and be stoked when I found Dad’s picture. Its amazing how big things like this can be for a kid. Having that concrete link to this kind of family history can be very anchoring and inspiring. I don’t know where I would have been without my Dad, Mom, and sister in my life growing up so I can’t even fathom kids who have one or no parents. I have been very lucky but also very appreciative.
I looked through the pages, passing all the faces and names. Some of them I know from stories from my Dad. Some were good friends of his, some went to Vietnam, some went into different businesses and had families that I have met. It’s incredible to think all of these individuals mean so much to some one…and its only a college football team from Staten Island! The ripples of each moment in time reach so incredibly far.
The ads in the program are classic. They really could be the best part. In one of them there is a picture of a dapper looking college guy smoking, and the quote next to him says,
“You’ll look good with a cigarillo…”. The ads for the cars are awesome too….
I don’t know exactly what I’m getting at here..I have been trying to feel out what’s next in this life/writing journey. I started writing a couple of things that were just nothing. The perspective was all over the place with no focus and no inspiration so I just let some time pass. In the past few days when I have thought about writing another chapter all I could think of is: The final chapter of “Today is My Last Day On Earth.”… I really don’t want it to be the last chapter so I have been avoiding that little voice…and I have been feeling it all out for the past few days. Then on the way back from Nyc today a new project idea came to me and I realized it’s definitely time for the last chapter. Here we are in the middle of it.
I tried to write some big conclusions about soul searching and learning to love our selves in life but they seemed so damn shallow and annoying…but just because these ideas seem cliché it doesn’t mean it’s not the most important thing we can do/be. Life really is short and really is precious and really is for living. A lot of us get caught in the sleepy breezes of the averageness all around us and sail into a regretful existence of ignorange haha that’s a typo that I just have to leave: ignorange. I love that. Anyway you know what I mean. Let’s wake up from our sleep walk and stay in the game. This is our life to love, not just survive. We just have to get out there and Live It!! ..and stay passionate about each moment because they grow like little seeds...And remember anything is possible! We have to go for it, and totally fuck up… there is no other way. Fucking up feels good though, because that means we are out there in the moment giving ourselves to it. It’s not so easy to live like today it’s your last day on earth…but it’s even harder to live with your self if you let your;
dreams/feelings/ideas/passions/love
get swept under the rug.
Thanks for reading.
Stay tuned
Last night I visited my Dad’s house and saw his senior year football program laying out on the kitchen table. The cover says, “The ’64 Wagner Seahawks Undefeated Season.” I have seen it my whole life and always liked looking at it. I would always page through it and be stoked when I found Dad’s picture. Its amazing how big things like this can be for a kid. Having that concrete link to this kind of family history can be very anchoring and inspiring. I don’t know where I would have been without my Dad, Mom, and sister in my life growing up so I can’t even fathom kids who have one or no parents. I have been very lucky but also very appreciative.
I looked through the pages, passing all the faces and names. Some of them I know from stories from my Dad. Some were good friends of his, some went to Vietnam, some went into different businesses and had families that I have met. It’s incredible to think all of these individuals mean so much to some one…and its only a college football team from Staten Island! The ripples of each moment in time reach so incredibly far.
The ads in the program are classic. They really could be the best part. In one of them there is a picture of a dapper looking college guy smoking, and the quote next to him says,
“You’ll look good with a cigarillo…”. The ads for the cars are awesome too….
I don’t know exactly what I’m getting at here..I have been trying to feel out what’s next in this life/writing journey. I started writing a couple of things that were just nothing. The perspective was all over the place with no focus and no inspiration so I just let some time pass. In the past few days when I have thought about writing another chapter all I could think of is: The final chapter of “Today is My Last Day On Earth.”… I really don’t want it to be the last chapter so I have been avoiding that little voice…and I have been feeling it all out for the past few days. Then on the way back from Nyc today a new project idea came to me and I realized it’s definitely time for the last chapter. Here we are in the middle of it.
I tried to write some big conclusions about soul searching and learning to love our selves in life but they seemed so damn shallow and annoying…but just because these ideas seem cliché it doesn’t mean it’s not the most important thing we can do/be. Life really is short and really is precious and really is for living. A lot of us get caught in the sleepy breezes of the averageness all around us and sail into a regretful existence of ignorange haha that’s a typo that I just have to leave: ignorange. I love that. Anyway you know what I mean. Let’s wake up from our sleep walk and stay in the game. This is our life to love, not just survive. We just have to get out there and Live It!! ..and stay passionate about each moment because they grow like little seeds...And remember anything is possible! We have to go for it, and totally fuck up… there is no other way. Fucking up feels good though, because that means we are out there in the moment giving ourselves to it. It’s not so easy to live like today it’s your last day on earth…but it’s even harder to live with your self if you let your;
dreams/feelings/ideas/passions/love
get swept under the rug.
Thanks for reading.
Stay tuned
Friday, September 12, 2008
Chapter 7: Tidal Waves In Space
I'm not particularly inspired to write at the moment. Sometimes an idea, or a moment hits me like a brick and I know I have to let that be the starting gate. Right now I have nowhere to start but here. Here is good. Here is just fine. You never know what here could turn into either if you just start walking somewhere with it. So we are already walking and the scenery is popping up on the page, landscapes are rising and falling, suns are shining and clouds are passing determined to bring shadows and accents of color.
I don't need to say anything about anything at the moment but the itch is still there. Something compels me to keep on making words move along the screen from left to right, filling up the page. Filling up my moments with something from nothing. The nothing has a definition and a description to clarify its ambiguity with each word the curtain is pulled aside to reveal just a bit more. What's there? What do you see? Nothing? Something? Can you describe it?
I am sitting in a room with blue walls a paint chipped door and a few pictures on the wall. There are four bulbs coming down from a ceiling fan in the middle of the ceiling and one of the lights is out. There is an acoustic guitar laying on the end of the bed waiting to be played anytime. She is never to busy to play. Never pre-occupied or not in the mood. Well, unless her strings break.
Beyond this tiny lit scope of physical reality I have dreams of endless potential. In my mind's eye I exist everywhere simultaneously with everything right now stretching out at light speed past huge stars and freezing cold planets. Tidal waves crash in front of my eyes, consume everything and fade to black. Still I exist. I am.
The words move across the page and I am. I stop typing and I am. The hurricane destroys and I am. People pass on, clocks tick, bodies age, lightning strikes, the earth spins, the sun explodes, the heart of the mountain beats so quietly you can't hear it with a stethoscope. I am there. I am here. I am with you.
Good Night
I don't need to say anything about anything at the moment but the itch is still there. Something compels me to keep on making words move along the screen from left to right, filling up the page. Filling up my moments with something from nothing. The nothing has a definition and a description to clarify its ambiguity with each word the curtain is pulled aside to reveal just a bit more. What's there? What do you see? Nothing? Something? Can you describe it?
I am sitting in a room with blue walls a paint chipped door and a few pictures on the wall. There are four bulbs coming down from a ceiling fan in the middle of the ceiling and one of the lights is out. There is an acoustic guitar laying on the end of the bed waiting to be played anytime. She is never to busy to play. Never pre-occupied or not in the mood. Well, unless her strings break.
Beyond this tiny lit scope of physical reality I have dreams of endless potential. In my mind's eye I exist everywhere simultaneously with everything right now stretching out at light speed past huge stars and freezing cold planets. Tidal waves crash in front of my eyes, consume everything and fade to black. Still I exist. I am.
The words move across the page and I am. I stop typing and I am. The hurricane destroys and I am. People pass on, clocks tick, bodies age, lightning strikes, the earth spins, the sun explodes, the heart of the mountain beats so quietly you can't hear it with a stethoscope. I am there. I am here. I am with you.
Good Night
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Chapter 6: Love & Rockets
The sun is up and the weather is amazing. I listened to a Love and Rockets cd I found in Kate’s car called Earth Sun Moon. I probably hadn’t really listened to it since high school so it was amazing to hear it again. I heard so much more in it. So many little things in the production are awesome and the songs that I thought were just ok are totally amazing. So fun to see/hear the same ol things in a new light.
Yesterday’s song writing session with the Souls was a total success. We all managed to stay focused for more than four hours straight and we got some good results. The Supersuckers played at Wonderland down the street so I went down there and met back up with Pete and Bryan and ran into a few more friends. The Supersuckers were good. I hadn’t see them since the first time I saw them open up for Bad Religon in ?? ’94 maybe.
Writing these chapters and doing my best to expose all my thoughts and feelings has been so worthwhile. I think some friends are wondering if I’m ok..I really am. I’m better than ever. The more I do it, the more the isolation and separateness dissipate. The results are instantaneous with every word. The comments I have been getting are amazing and become part of the process. Some of them are so good I think I have to put them together into a blog unto itself. The best part is seeing how some people are instantly a part of the process and feel they know it’s all a piece of their inner world too. Its like we all have our gold locked up in our little chests and we don’t want anyone to see it because we might lose a hold of it. The truth is so much the opposite but we are so programmed to keep a tight grip on everything because we might “give to much away,” or “reveal to much about ourselves” Only we lose out when we live in that mentality.
I’m a ham. I’m a whore for attention and I never get enough love. I always want more. I was desperate as a kid. Why else would I have become the singer of a punk band. I was dying for attention, praise and glory to boost myself up. I really needed it badly because deep down I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love myself enough to stand up on my own. It’s taken thousands of people to love me to finally get me to turn the tide. Its’s kind of crazy when I think about it. Thousands can love you but if you can’t love yourself it doesn’t matter. I was able to see so much beauty in others but I was not able to see that all of that beauty is and was a part of me too. That perspective has slowly been changing and is being solidified with a new more open perspective on every moment.
It’s important to remember that I’m really nobody special and yes I am a crazy but in a good way.. I have a few talents and I have been around some other talented people and have made it work. I’m a clutz and I’m pretty mentally slow about most things on a daily basis. Just so you know. The most important thing to remember is that ALL the beauty we see is us. If you think I’m special well it is you that you are seeing in that seeing. Does that make sense?
So I love the compliments and the all the Love. I use to try to cover it up and pretend I didn’t really care but, I love it. I’m a glory hound and I know it. Addicted to love…but I also know we all are endlessly amazing and I love to share the glory and attention. We can only see our amazingness by being right in the middle of it, totally alive. We have to realize it all the time. We have to experience it and keep experiencing it until we know it is all incredible without a doubt.
Here is a message I received from Ben, and eighteen year old from Colorado, I just couldn’t believe he was eighteen after reading his words.
So I wanted to include you in this message because you are part of it. It’s addressed to me but it’s for everybody so plug yer name in the beginning and know its true.
Hi _____,
I've always wanted to send a little love your way, and thank you for what you do in this world. And after following your new blogs, now seemed the best moment. As it is now.
Your ability to articulate things I feel every day, but have never heard anyone else talk about is a beautiful gift. And to offer the human family that gift is one of the most beautiful, noble, and perfect things a human can do. Such a gift is a rare, and sacred jewel. I doubt you will ever be able to experience the full grandeur of that effect on people's lives, but I want to offer you my most profound thanks for your words, and your love. It is something that is truly special.
There have been many moments in both my life, and the lives of people close to me that would have crushed us without a helping hand from the pure words of the human experience carried by a vessel appropriate for them. In times of turmoil, and no control, the only way to freedom is often to be comforted by what is closest to you, and can never be taken away. The music is that ultimate freedom.
Freedom is the obvious choice. And failing to see internal oppression makes it very difficult to really be free. The result is the numbness that is too often chosen over freedom in hopes of pushing the pain away. Freedom comes from within, with love and compassion for oneself, and all others. This path is often painful, but is the way to see the true spectrum of the divine colors of the world. It is the path to truly being alive. The pain becomes an accent to the beauty, as the suffering dissolves.
Thank you for giving me not only the strength to stay on that road, but the knowledge that I'm not alone.
You are a beautiful soul. And an overflowing vessel of the beauty that's in this perfect world when the walls of negativity are torn away, and the people sing together as one. It is in that moment, we see ourselves as who we are: brothers and sisters of the same mind, and of the same heart. So from mine to yours, I extend the deepest gratitude for the many ways you have shared the freedom you've found, and the freedom you wish to find.
And as you sing, so shall we sing along.
Much Love,
Ben
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=129775722
Yesterday’s song writing session with the Souls was a total success. We all managed to stay focused for more than four hours straight and we got some good results. The Supersuckers played at Wonderland down the street so I went down there and met back up with Pete and Bryan and ran into a few more friends. The Supersuckers were good. I hadn’t see them since the first time I saw them open up for Bad Religon in ?? ’94 maybe.
Writing these chapters and doing my best to expose all my thoughts and feelings has been so worthwhile. I think some friends are wondering if I’m ok..I really am. I’m better than ever. The more I do it, the more the isolation and separateness dissipate. The results are instantaneous with every word. The comments I have been getting are amazing and become part of the process. Some of them are so good I think I have to put them together into a blog unto itself. The best part is seeing how some people are instantly a part of the process and feel they know it’s all a piece of their inner world too. Its like we all have our gold locked up in our little chests and we don’t want anyone to see it because we might lose a hold of it. The truth is so much the opposite but we are so programmed to keep a tight grip on everything because we might “give to much away,” or “reveal to much about ourselves” Only we lose out when we live in that mentality.
I’m a ham. I’m a whore for attention and I never get enough love. I always want more. I was desperate as a kid. Why else would I have become the singer of a punk band. I was dying for attention, praise and glory to boost myself up. I really needed it badly because deep down I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love myself enough to stand up on my own. It’s taken thousands of people to love me to finally get me to turn the tide. Its’s kind of crazy when I think about it. Thousands can love you but if you can’t love yourself it doesn’t matter. I was able to see so much beauty in others but I was not able to see that all of that beauty is and was a part of me too. That perspective has slowly been changing and is being solidified with a new more open perspective on every moment.
It’s important to remember that I’m really nobody special and yes I am a crazy but in a good way.. I have a few talents and I have been around some other talented people and have made it work. I’m a clutz and I’m pretty mentally slow about most things on a daily basis. Just so you know. The most important thing to remember is that ALL the beauty we see is us. If you think I’m special well it is you that you are seeing in that seeing. Does that make sense?
So I love the compliments and the all the Love. I use to try to cover it up and pretend I didn’t really care but, I love it. I’m a glory hound and I know it. Addicted to love…but I also know we all are endlessly amazing and I love to share the glory and attention. We can only see our amazingness by being right in the middle of it, totally alive. We have to realize it all the time. We have to experience it and keep experiencing it until we know it is all incredible without a doubt.
Here is a message I received from Ben, and eighteen year old from Colorado, I just couldn’t believe he was eighteen after reading his words.
So I wanted to include you in this message because you are part of it. It’s addressed to me but it’s for everybody so plug yer name in the beginning and know its true.
Hi _____,
I've always wanted to send a little love your way, and thank you for what you do in this world. And after following your new blogs, now seemed the best moment. As it is now.
Your ability to articulate things I feel every day, but have never heard anyone else talk about is a beautiful gift. And to offer the human family that gift is one of the most beautiful, noble, and perfect things a human can do. Such a gift is a rare, and sacred jewel. I doubt you will ever be able to experience the full grandeur of that effect on people's lives, but I want to offer you my most profound thanks for your words, and your love. It is something that is truly special.
There have been many moments in both my life, and the lives of people close to me that would have crushed us without a helping hand from the pure words of the human experience carried by a vessel appropriate for them. In times of turmoil, and no control, the only way to freedom is often to be comforted by what is closest to you, and can never be taken away. The music is that ultimate freedom.
Freedom is the obvious choice. And failing to see internal oppression makes it very difficult to really be free. The result is the numbness that is too often chosen over freedom in hopes of pushing the pain away. Freedom comes from within, with love and compassion for oneself, and all others. This path is often painful, but is the way to see the true spectrum of the divine colors of the world. It is the path to truly being alive. The pain becomes an accent to the beauty, as the suffering dissolves.
Thank you for giving me not only the strength to stay on that road, but the knowledge that I'm not alone.
You are a beautiful soul. And an overflowing vessel of the beauty that's in this perfect world when the walls of negativity are torn away, and the people sing together as one. It is in that moment, we see ourselves as who we are: brothers and sisters of the same mind, and of the same heart. So from mine to yours, I extend the deepest gratitude for the many ways you have shared the freedom you've found, and the freedom you wish to find.
And as you sing, so shall we sing along.
Much Love,
Ben
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=129775722
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Chapter 5: September 11
On Sept. 11, 2001 when the airplanes flew into the twin towers I was in Glasgow, Scotland getting ready to sound check for the first show of a month long European tour with Guttermouth. Guttermouth never made it because they were supposed to fly out on the 11th. We flew out of Newark on Sept. 10 around 8am, about 24 hours before one of the planes "supposedly" left Newark heading for the twin towers.
I watched the second plane impact into the building in real time as a lot of you might have. It was so surreal..I had only been standing in front of the tv for about three minutes in the promoter's office. She had just turned the tv on about five minutes before I got in there and wasn't really watching it. I was watching the smoke from the other tower and trying to figure out what the announcer was saying when I saw the second one hit. I could hear our soundman, Jordan from the next room,
" Bro, I can't get through to my girlfriend in New York..something is going on." (I don't know if he said Bro, but he use to say Bro a lot. Hey Jordan, if you are out there!)
It took about a half an hour or so for the band and the club people to congregate and start to realize the impact of what was going on. Everybody was trying the phones..and were in various forms of nervousness/panic. We all talked each other down throughout the afternoon and did our best to bring a good time at the show but nobody could shake their concerns and really cut loose.
I don't know exactly why I am writing about this.. I guess I would like to pay my own respects to the event and the awakenings it brought about. It sure woke me up like it did many people. I had never experienced war or terrorism that close to home in my life. I experienced bomb threats in England but, that was England. This was twenty-five minutes from where I grew up, where my family was from. My cousin watched bodies flying out of the building from the street as she was running to safety. In other words war on tv is not real at all, it just looks like a movie. We are pretty conditioned and de-sensitized to it. The whole televised version of the Iraq war almost looks cool! I mean they photograph it with amazing cinematography and they all have their super kick ass terminator soldier gear. I can see how they can easily sucker in some good hearted and vulnerable kids. I have met some of them who joined right after Sept. 11 and really had a hard time once they started to see the lie of it all. But that's our lesson to learn, right. So…."We Don't Get Fooled Again!!" Like "the Who' song says.
So in the spirit of searching for the truth I want to try to document my thoughts on the subject of Sept. 11th as best I can. As an un-proffessionally educated observer I will lay it out there.
First of all its hard for me to accept the story that FEMA gives about how the towers went down. There are a lot of documentaries on the subject and I watched the "official" one and it kept grating on my common sense. If you are really interested in seeing some of them I'm sure you know how to find them. I don't have my details surrounding the whole event straight enough to list them totally accurately, but it seems so outrageously obvious that those towers were demolished with explosives from the inside. There are so so many holes in the story of what happened. Bush and Cheney would not speak about it separately and they interviewed together on the subject in the same room and barely said anything. If you think our own government couldn't have been responsible for that… well, you are like me. I had a hard time swallowing it…but I not only think its possible our current administration was responsible I believe it in my heart. That doesn't mean I can prove it but all the details I have seen kept pointing me to that conclusion.
In the bigger picture this event has been a positive wake-up call for myself and lots of people around the world but in America especially. We could pass from this life at any time so it is a great reminder to me to live like today is my last day on earth.
Love
Greg
I watched the second plane impact into the building in real time as a lot of you might have. It was so surreal..I had only been standing in front of the tv for about three minutes in the promoter's office. She had just turned the tv on about five minutes before I got in there and wasn't really watching it. I was watching the smoke from the other tower and trying to figure out what the announcer was saying when I saw the second one hit. I could hear our soundman, Jordan from the next room,
" Bro, I can't get through to my girlfriend in New York..something is going on." (I don't know if he said Bro, but he use to say Bro a lot. Hey Jordan, if you are out there!)
It took about a half an hour or so for the band and the club people to congregate and start to realize the impact of what was going on. Everybody was trying the phones..and were in various forms of nervousness/panic. We all talked each other down throughout the afternoon and did our best to bring a good time at the show but nobody could shake their concerns and really cut loose.
I don't know exactly why I am writing about this.. I guess I would like to pay my own respects to the event and the awakenings it brought about. It sure woke me up like it did many people. I had never experienced war or terrorism that close to home in my life. I experienced bomb threats in England but, that was England. This was twenty-five minutes from where I grew up, where my family was from. My cousin watched bodies flying out of the building from the street as she was running to safety. In other words war on tv is not real at all, it just looks like a movie. We are pretty conditioned and de-sensitized to it. The whole televised version of the Iraq war almost looks cool! I mean they photograph it with amazing cinematography and they all have their super kick ass terminator soldier gear. I can see how they can easily sucker in some good hearted and vulnerable kids. I have met some of them who joined right after Sept. 11 and really had a hard time once they started to see the lie of it all. But that's our lesson to learn, right. So…."We Don't Get Fooled Again!!" Like "the Who' song says.
So in the spirit of searching for the truth I want to try to document my thoughts on the subject of Sept. 11th as best I can. As an un-proffessionally educated observer I will lay it out there.
First of all its hard for me to accept the story that FEMA gives about how the towers went down. There are a lot of documentaries on the subject and I watched the "official" one and it kept grating on my common sense. If you are really interested in seeing some of them I'm sure you know how to find them. I don't have my details surrounding the whole event straight enough to list them totally accurately, but it seems so outrageously obvious that those towers were demolished with explosives from the inside. There are so so many holes in the story of what happened. Bush and Cheney would not speak about it separately and they interviewed together on the subject in the same room and barely said anything. If you think our own government couldn't have been responsible for that… well, you are like me. I had a hard time swallowing it…but I not only think its possible our current administration was responsible I believe it in my heart. That doesn't mean I can prove it but all the details I have seen kept pointing me to that conclusion.
In the bigger picture this event has been a positive wake-up call for myself and lots of people around the world but in America especially. We could pass from this life at any time so it is a great reminder to me to live like today is my last day on earth.
Love
Greg
Chapter 4: The Resistor vs. Jeff Spicoli
Tonight I understand why the world is crazy..It just feels crazy I mean..When you strip everything out of yourself and decide to see the experience as it is and not fog it with anything…you can just feel the craziness, I am really surprised I didn’t totally destroy myself at some point.. I think if I hadn’t developed that intense shut-off mechanism in my childhood I never would have made it through my twenties. I’m really really feeling for all the sensitive people in the world right now. So much of what we feel inside is not coming from us..it not an excuse to blame the world. We can’t rob the convenience store and use the, “I blame society,” excuse, but damn I want to be on the mountain right now. Well, part of me does and the real me wants to be sticking it out right here. Whatever that means I mean sometimes when the day ends and I’m all alone I just don’t want to be here in the world. If I’m not with Shanti I just don’t want to be here. I don’t always feel this way but sometimes I do. Right now I do. I don’t care about anything else and I’m gonna be an asshole if I go interact with the world.
I bought an amazing book at the Powell bookstore in Portland. Its called “This is Your Brain on Music” by Daniel Levitin. He has experimented with the science of music. Why does it make us feel the way it does? Why do some songs connect with so many of us so deeply? Its really interesting but I can’t read it right now. My brain is to tired or nutty to read or write but I’m not able to sleep. Wah Wah wah. This is boring shit..I’m done for tonight.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is a dream I want to be in. Right now is not a place that is distant or wrong or uncomfortable or lonely or anything else but perfectly where I want to be. As you can see from that last section of writing I was getting sucked down a bad road. Let’s just leave it all there as it is and use it for an example. Just like in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” when Mr. Hand writes that quote on the board that makes Jeff Spicoli famous. “I Don’t KnoW. I Don’t know. I’m going to leave that on the board all day long for all of my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.” Says Mr. Hand.
“Well, Alright.” Answers, Spicoli.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=mqnLC9Wl1k4
So let’s leave it up there for everyone to see giving me full credit of course. It’s a perfect example of what we don’t want to do. Lets break it down shall, we. I begin by saying the world is crazy and part of me is separate and clear and not part of the craziness. I’m somebody else in some other universe experiencing the “craziness” of the world. I just disconnected myself from it all and started to create another little isolated world inside my head. I go on to list other things I would rather be doing or other places I would rather be so I am shutting myself off from what is. The Resistor Strikes. I even go so far as to decide to be an asshole. That’s pretty funny. That’s good comedy right there. “I’m gonna be an asshole.” Then I made an attempt to find something to divert myself. A classic combination. I have decided I’m unhappy for whatever reason and then decided something outside of me is going to make me feel better or happier. The book I’m reading really is great but in this case I’m using it to escape. That’s why I couldn’t really enjoy reading it.
It’s six oclock in the morning now and I’m up. I’m going to see if there are any waves. See you in a bit.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
The waves are small but the sky is pink and the birds are singing. The boardwalk is slick, dark and wet from a rainy night and the early joggers are beginning to make their way down the beach. Cool and breezy is the morning.
Later Skaters
I bought an amazing book at the Powell bookstore in Portland. Its called “This is Your Brain on Music” by Daniel Levitin. He has experimented with the science of music. Why does it make us feel the way it does? Why do some songs connect with so many of us so deeply? Its really interesting but I can’t read it right now. My brain is to tired or nutty to read or write but I’m not able to sleep. Wah Wah wah. This is boring shit..I’m done for tonight.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
This is a dream I want to be in. Right now is not a place that is distant or wrong or uncomfortable or lonely or anything else but perfectly where I want to be. As you can see from that last section of writing I was getting sucked down a bad road. Let’s just leave it all there as it is and use it for an example. Just like in “Fast Times At Ridgemont High” when Mr. Hand writes that quote on the board that makes Jeff Spicoli famous. “I Don’t KnoW. I Don’t know. I’m going to leave that on the board all day long for all of my classes to enjoy, giving you full credit of course, Mr. Spicoli.” Says Mr. Hand.
“Well, Alright.” Answers, Spicoli.
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=mqnLC9Wl1k4
So let’s leave it up there for everyone to see giving me full credit of course. It’s a perfect example of what we don’t want to do. Lets break it down shall, we. I begin by saying the world is crazy and part of me is separate and clear and not part of the craziness. I’m somebody else in some other universe experiencing the “craziness” of the world. I just disconnected myself from it all and started to create another little isolated world inside my head. I go on to list other things I would rather be doing or other places I would rather be so I am shutting myself off from what is. The Resistor Strikes. I even go so far as to decide to be an asshole. That’s pretty funny. That’s good comedy right there. “I’m gonna be an asshole.” Then I made an attempt to find something to divert myself. A classic combination. I have decided I’m unhappy for whatever reason and then decided something outside of me is going to make me feel better or happier. The book I’m reading really is great but in this case I’m using it to escape. That’s why I couldn’t really enjoy reading it.
It’s six oclock in the morning now and I’m up. I’m going to see if there are any waves. See you in a bit.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
The waves are small but the sky is pink and the birds are singing. The boardwalk is slick, dark and wet from a rainy night and the early joggers are beginning to make their way down the beach. Cool and breezy is the morning.
Later Skaters
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Chapter 3: Surfing Asbury With The Watered Down Rebel
Apparently I arrived in New Jersey on the best surfing day of the year. Hurricane Hanna has churned up some swell, and all the necessary elements came together to create an incredibly perfect day, or so says Wig and a guy from South America I met in the water the day after. I woke up at Kate's house the morning after my arrival and rode her bike to the beach to see some pretty good sized sets with a light onshore wind. Not perfect anymore but the water was warm and the weather hot.
I borrowed an 80's short board from Wig, a good friend from high school and also the owner and operator of the Bouncing Souls Merch Co. from day one. The board says Triple X across the top in total 80's style. He actually bought it for 50 bucks off a guy who owned a strip club in Asbury Park in the 70's and 80's. He bought it from him right out of the same building that use to be the strip club but is now some sort of creepy crash pad for the guy. Wig was walking by it one day I think. I don't remember all the details of Wig's board buying story but it was a pretty good one. It probably just hung on the wall back in the strip club days but now it gets to ride and it rides pretty sweetly.
The Jersey shore in September is just dripping with character everywhere you look, especially the Asbury Park boardwalk. The light changes a little bit from the harsher brightness of summer to the more mellow amber of autumn so everything looks a little golden. The old guys look more distinguished and the women look more Mediterranean. Geez, I'm making Asbury Park sound like the Riviera. Actually they have something in common somehow.. The French Riviera is rich and sleazy and Asbury Park is crazy and sleazy.... by reputation, but that is changing.. right now its golden.
When I stay at Kate's house in Asbury Park, one of my favorite things to do is ride her beach cruiser bike south down the boardwalk. The journey takes me through an extended landscape of abandoned buildings, questionable neighborhoods, and a lot of new construction that is popping up everywhere. I pass by the Baronet theatre and a place that use to be the Fast Lanes next to what is now the Asbury Lanes. We got tricked into the "pay to play" scenario at the Fast Lanes once many years ago. We were pissed because they make you sell tickets to your friends and they take most of the money… Another lesson on our journey through the harsh reality of the music business. In a two or three mile stretch I ride through the developmental contradictions of Asbury, past the historic, pretty and creepily religious camp of Ocean Grove into the working class Jersey town of Bradley Beach and end in mook central, Belmar. Its really amazing how distinct each town is.
*******************************************
Have you ever wondered where you would be if you suddenly lost your body? Where do you go? Would we perceive ourselves in a whole other dimension? A dimension where our bodies are vibrating differently so we look more like stars floating around in space. I'm curious. I guess the only way to find out is to die. We will all get there eventually.
There are spiritual practices where the main focus everyday is to practice being totally aware in each moment. When something comes to our awareness we do our best to clarify what it is so we can remain in a state of total clarity. This way when death arrives our mind isn't muddled with everything going on in our worldly dramas. If our mind is spinning in circles about the Yankee game, or the argument we didn't win, or whatever then we have to create a new body so we can see the Yankees and win an argument. Our thoughts generate that much power. If that is all true then it makes me wonder..What the hell was I thinking to create Asbury Park, New Jersey??? And what the hell were the old golden guys and gals on the boardwalk thinking. Our reality isn't far from Blade runner here in Bizzaro world. Lets look at youtube for a minute..
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=J_hYs1jBy8Y
Blade Runner is so good. I have to watch it again.. Amazing. "Time TO DIE."
********************************************
I remember riding through these same streets 20 years ago wondering about the mystery of them. It was really a ghost town back then but man did it inspire me. I was filled with the fuel to do stuff, cut lose with whatever and act stupid and crazy on stage but I wasn't free in regular life. I was afraid of how people would perceive me so much that I barely interacted. It was safer to be alone. I really let loose on stage back then though because I was so uptight in the rest of my life. I was a rebellious soul without a grasp on how the world works or how I worked. I think we all are total rebels in a world where the rebel has been watered down. I remember when having blue hair made a HUGE statement. You were totally one of Satan's followers, man and it was fun. Now it's not that easy. We are living in the world of the watered down rebel. We are rebels with laptops…Yawn. Where's my hatchet and my pitch fork, I wanna kill some of the kings men with a blunt metal instrument I forged in fire with my bare hands!!. Who's with ME!!
"We won't Pay the Kings Taxes..Right My fellow American peasants!!!!!"
Ok…back to my IbookG4.(Slumping my head a little) I wish it was that cut and dry. It's really hard to realize our warrior potential in this world. We can't go on the Buffalo hunt and celebrate our first kill. The best we can do is this…Express our selves beyond the norm. Communicate more meaningfully with each other. No one can take that away from us. The internet really makes this possible on an unimaginable scale so it's a great great thing. And some part of me knows we have done plenty of slaughtering with blunt instruments so its time to live a little more beautifully with each other. We can reach out into distant places we never could and I don't mean the space program. Will we do it though? Will we explore the new boundaries or we will we keep creating technologically advanced blunt instruments to use on each other?
Somewhere in the back of my mind I always felt a voice saying,"What's the use in trying, everything has been done already." I really believed that bullshit too. I didn't just believe it; it was like that voice was just guiding me along in my sleep walk. Just feed the body, go to sleep and get by. You are nobody..everybody is nobody. Life has no meaning. All that shit was programmed into my subconscious and running like a reel to reel tape player. I believe that vibe is out there like radio waves and it takes a lot of determination and help and good old love and nurturing to not fall into a bad frequency. Its up to us to turn the tide and know deeply that being a human is not just something we are supposed to survive but an incredibly amazing and meaningful adventure experience that you don't want to miss. We have to help each other wake up and stay on the same channel..
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeDjO0lbqyU&feature=related
I borrowed an 80's short board from Wig, a good friend from high school and also the owner and operator of the Bouncing Souls Merch Co. from day one. The board says Triple X across the top in total 80's style. He actually bought it for 50 bucks off a guy who owned a strip club in Asbury Park in the 70's and 80's. He bought it from him right out of the same building that use to be the strip club but is now some sort of creepy crash pad for the guy. Wig was walking by it one day I think. I don't remember all the details of Wig's board buying story but it was a pretty good one. It probably just hung on the wall back in the strip club days but now it gets to ride and it rides pretty sweetly.
The Jersey shore in September is just dripping with character everywhere you look, especially the Asbury Park boardwalk. The light changes a little bit from the harsher brightness of summer to the more mellow amber of autumn so everything looks a little golden. The old guys look more distinguished and the women look more Mediterranean. Geez, I'm making Asbury Park sound like the Riviera. Actually they have something in common somehow.. The French Riviera is rich and sleazy and Asbury Park is crazy and sleazy.... by reputation, but that is changing.. right now its golden.
When I stay at Kate's house in Asbury Park, one of my favorite things to do is ride her beach cruiser bike south down the boardwalk. The journey takes me through an extended landscape of abandoned buildings, questionable neighborhoods, and a lot of new construction that is popping up everywhere. I pass by the Baronet theatre and a place that use to be the Fast Lanes next to what is now the Asbury Lanes. We got tricked into the "pay to play" scenario at the Fast Lanes once many years ago. We were pissed because they make you sell tickets to your friends and they take most of the money… Another lesson on our journey through the harsh reality of the music business. In a two or three mile stretch I ride through the developmental contradictions of Asbury, past the historic, pretty and creepily religious camp of Ocean Grove into the working class Jersey town of Bradley Beach and end in mook central, Belmar. Its really amazing how distinct each town is.
*******************************************
Have you ever wondered where you would be if you suddenly lost your body? Where do you go? Would we perceive ourselves in a whole other dimension? A dimension where our bodies are vibrating differently so we look more like stars floating around in space. I'm curious. I guess the only way to find out is to die. We will all get there eventually.
There are spiritual practices where the main focus everyday is to practice being totally aware in each moment. When something comes to our awareness we do our best to clarify what it is so we can remain in a state of total clarity. This way when death arrives our mind isn't muddled with everything going on in our worldly dramas. If our mind is spinning in circles about the Yankee game, or the argument we didn't win, or whatever then we have to create a new body so we can see the Yankees and win an argument. Our thoughts generate that much power. If that is all true then it makes me wonder..What the hell was I thinking to create Asbury Park, New Jersey??? And what the hell were the old golden guys and gals on the boardwalk thinking. Our reality isn't far from Blade runner here in Bizzaro world. Lets look at youtube for a minute..
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=J_hYs1jBy8Y
Blade Runner is so good. I have to watch it again.. Amazing. "Time TO DIE."
********************************************
I remember riding through these same streets 20 years ago wondering about the mystery of them. It was really a ghost town back then but man did it inspire me. I was filled with the fuel to do stuff, cut lose with whatever and act stupid and crazy on stage but I wasn't free in regular life. I was afraid of how people would perceive me so much that I barely interacted. It was safer to be alone. I really let loose on stage back then though because I was so uptight in the rest of my life. I was a rebellious soul without a grasp on how the world works or how I worked. I think we all are total rebels in a world where the rebel has been watered down. I remember when having blue hair made a HUGE statement. You were totally one of Satan's followers, man and it was fun. Now it's not that easy. We are living in the world of the watered down rebel. We are rebels with laptops…Yawn. Where's my hatchet and my pitch fork, I wanna kill some of the kings men with a blunt metal instrument I forged in fire with my bare hands!!. Who's with ME!!
"We won't Pay the Kings Taxes..Right My fellow American peasants!!!!!"
Ok…back to my IbookG4.(Slumping my head a little) I wish it was that cut and dry. It's really hard to realize our warrior potential in this world. We can't go on the Buffalo hunt and celebrate our first kill. The best we can do is this…Express our selves beyond the norm. Communicate more meaningfully with each other. No one can take that away from us. The internet really makes this possible on an unimaginable scale so it's a great great thing. And some part of me knows we have done plenty of slaughtering with blunt instruments so its time to live a little more beautifully with each other. We can reach out into distant places we never could and I don't mean the space program. Will we do it though? Will we explore the new boundaries or we will we keep creating technologically advanced blunt instruments to use on each other?
Somewhere in the back of my mind I always felt a voice saying,"What's the use in trying, everything has been done already." I really believed that bullshit too. I didn't just believe it; it was like that voice was just guiding me along in my sleep walk. Just feed the body, go to sleep and get by. You are nobody..everybody is nobody. Life has no meaning. All that shit was programmed into my subconscious and running like a reel to reel tape player. I believe that vibe is out there like radio waves and it takes a lot of determination and help and good old love and nurturing to not fall into a bad frequency. Its up to us to turn the tide and know deeply that being a human is not just something we are supposed to survive but an incredibly amazing and meaningful adventure experience that you don't want to miss. We have to help each other wake up and stay on the same channel..
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=ZeDjO0lbqyU&feature=related
Monday, September 8, 2008
Chapter 2: Strangely, The Old Free Dog
We are dreaming. I am dreaming you and you are dreaming me. Its really mind blowing but its true. Don’t believe me?.. see for yourself.
The show with Hot Water Music was a dream and it was a good one. The Bouncing Souls rocked through a good set despite some technical difficulties and lack of rehearsal. We had a great time with everyone. Watching and listening to Hot Water Music was like enjoying the comfortable company of old friends and it was truly great of them to invite all The Souls back on stage to play True Believers as the last song of their set. I grabbed the mike and jumped down into the crowd, which is a way more fun place to be than the stage by the way. Everyone down there seemed to be about as stoked as you can get at a show so it was great to be a part of that. There is nothing like interacting with a few hundred other people on a level that is beyond a normal conversation. In the heat of the musical moment we can sometimes break through our everyday perception. We sometimes land on our feet in a place that feels so much more meaningful, so much more comfortable and natural than how we feel in the isolation of the world. When the music hits, you feel no pain. Bob Marley said the same thing well. The pain is gone and we all peek into that deeper sense of our oneness. We are bringing each other there in a sense. How beautiful is that? Way to go, US!!! We all got together and created a dream that we all wanted to be a part of. Thanks to everyone who was there and everyone who made it possible.
Strangely, I have been writing for hours and I still feel like writing. This doesn’t happen to me.
The words just kept popping in my head. “I have been afraid for most of my life.” I have been. I’m not happy to announce it either. Who likes to admit they are afraid. That’s not cool. That’s not tough. Chicks don’t dig it, man. People don’t admit they are afraid because… they are afraid. Well, I have been one of those people living in a self-made internal universe poking my head out of my shell only when I have to. I have been out in the world just enough to get by. I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding from the world too. I have developed an invisible cloaking system that works pretty well when I want to use it. Sounds pretty lame cuz..it is. If I keep it up I’m really gonna have some regrets and really..I’m fucking tired of regretting anything. Living on the mountain with Shanti has torn it all up and boiled it to the surface kicking and screaming, so to speak. There is really no where to hide up there. So the fearful guy was me and is me and I move on.
There are probably plenty of reasons why this fear had such a terrible grip on me. Some reasons I can guess and a lot that I’m probably not aware of. What I do know is two things: It hasn’t been fun living in fear, and once I started to become aware of it I couldn’t just change it overnight. Life starts to kick you in the ass until you face what you have to face though. It might be something else for you but for me it has been a strong tendency to just re-treat into my own internal world. I think its true for a lot of us though.
Luckily, I have engaged myself enough in this world to do reasonably well as the singer of the Bouncing Souls and do reasonably well as the husband of a beautiful and loving soul, Shanti. Fortunately for me she has had the love, strength, and patience to see past those pain in the ass, stuck in the mud, personality traits. I have not been easy to live with at times. It has been very hard for me to see that Shanti and I are one, not rwo different people. I mean we are very different in some ways but the oneness if us never changes. We are totally ONE, because we all are ONE. There were some tough times and because of Shanti’s persistence in what she knows to be true, that we are one, she didn’t give up on me. You cannot live in ONEness just sometimes. Shutting down is not an option and although I know this, breaking those old habits has not been easy. Through it all I’m glad I never gave up on us or myself. That’s one of the reasons Shanti loves me I think. We have had a lot of rough moments but overall I have always been there for her in my own way and WE have always been there for each other. Through it all our love has grown very deep and real. Everyday my appreciation for Shanti and our relationship grows greater and it makes me wonder about other peoples relationships and what levels they exist on. Each person in the relationship has to make a true commitment to themselves to make it work. I really thought I had made that commitment for a while but I just was not fully aware of the full extent of my mental habits. How we perceive our world and interact with it can be so hard to break from and re-arrange. So many times Shanti was there to be the mirror for me and for that I can’t even begin to describe what it means to me. She saved me in so many ways. I Love You.
I don’t know what I’m getting at here. I don’t know why I even feel the desire to pour out my innermost personal thoughts to this page. I have been resisting this kind of bare it all communication my whole life. I always made something else more important. I always managed to talk myself out of it but I realize it’s the most important thing I can do..and I just can’t keep it saved on a laptop for a later date…because TODay IS the LaAAAST DAY OF MY LIIFE!!!!! So the title goes.
The part of me that has held ME back in life is really what I’m trying to beat here. That holding on has been my monster to slay in a daily sword battle. True honest expression is the carrot I have been chasing and running away from at the same time. Sounds nutty cuz it is. It’s been really hard for me for some unknown reasons as I said before. And now that I’m doing it I want to do it completely. I’m sick of feeling like I could have said something more or something better. Do you know what I mean?
We are dreaming and we are communicating our dream experiences to each other so what’s really real? What I experience on the outside world becomes something else when you read about my story of it. But I am laying it out there as best I can. It might not be anything new but its coming from me so that’s the only reason I’m doing it..Because it makes me feel like I’m really alive. I’m living for something. I’m not just phoning it in. I tried that and it sucks.
Maybe I’m a late bloomer or maybe I’m just an old dog. You know,like the old saying: “You can’t teach and old dog new tricks.” I’m that old dog. Another thing I don’t like to admit but its true. I’m not a dead dog just an old dog.
What do I have to lose? My Fortune? My Fame? They don’t amount to a whole lot. What I don’t want to lose is the accessibility to my self that has been blocked by that nasty fear monster that would grip me around the neck and leave me speechless. I could blame it on “The Man.”
“Yeah..Society did this to me, man.”
“That’s Bullshit, Man. You’re just a white suburban punk like the rest of us.”
“But it Huuurts..”
Did you ever see Repo Man? That’s a quote from Repo Man. I don’t know if that’s it exactly but it’s the scene where the punk guy gets shot while robbing the convenience store. Let’s go to youtube again shall we? Yes! This movie is classic:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=554AX4l1tmw
The guy who is always burning stuff in the trashcan is definitely my favorite character but the whole movie is amazing. Part of me is trying to rob that convenience store and get away with it…. Just part of me..but there is no shortcut. I know that I can’t blame it on “The Man” (even though he does suck wherever he is) I know this, but living it is something else.
There is another part of me that sees the struggle we all go through trying to be free of the crazy baggage we carry around on our own various levels. In that awareness I see that I cannot be free unless I see all of myself as free. Including you. Free is a vague word here. Free meaning: Not tied down to mental or physical habits and dependencies or the world in any way. Free meaning: Living in the awareness that we are one with endless potential energy that keeps experiencing and re-experiencing on and on without constraints like, fear. Let’s get an official definiton:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_(philosophy)
and:
1. enjoying personal rights or liberty, as a person who is not in slavery: a land of free people.
2. pertaining to or reserved for those who enjoy personal liberty: They were thankful to be living on free soil.
3. existing under, characterized by, or possessing civil and political liberties that are, as a rule, constitutionally guaranteed by representative government: the free nations of the world.
4. enjoying political autonomy, as a people or country not under foreign rule; independent.
5. exempt from external authority, interference, restriction, etc., as a person or one's will, thought, choice, action, etc.; independent; unrestricted.
6. able to do something at will; at liberty: free to choose.
7. clear of obstructions or obstacles, as a road or corridor: The highway is now free of fallen rock.
8. not occupied or in use: I'll try to phone her again if the line is free.
9. exempt or released from something specified that controls, restrains, burdens, etc. (usually fol. by from or of): free from worry; free of taxes.
10. having immunity or being safe (usually fol. by from): free from danger.
11. provided without, or not subject to, a charge or payment: free parking; a free sample.
12. given without consideration of a return or reward: a free offer of legal advice.
13. unimpeded, as motion or movement; easy, firm, or swift.
14. not held fast; loose; unattached: to get one's arm free.
15. not joined to or in contact with something else: The free end of the cantilever sagged.
16. acting without self-restraint or reserve: to be too free with one's tongue.
17. ready or generous in giving; liberal; lavish: to be free with one's advice.
18. given readily or in profusion; unstinted.
19. frank and open; unconstrained, unceremonious, or familiar.
20. unrestrained by decency; loose or licentious: free behavior.
21. not subject to special regulations, restrictions, duties, etc.: The ship was given free passage.
22. of, pertaining to, or characterized by free enterprise: a free economy.
23. that may be used by or is open to all: a free market.
24. engaged in by all present; general: a free fight.
25. not literal, as a translation, adaptation, or the like; loose.
26. uncombined chemically: free oxygen.
27. traveling without power; under no force except that of gravity or inertia: free flight.
28. Phonetics. (of a vowel) situated in an open syllable (opposed to checked).
29. at liberty to enter and enjoy at will (usually fol. by of): to be free of a friend's house.
30. not subject to rules, set forms, etc.: The young students had an hour of free play between classes.
31. easily worked, as stone, land, etc.
32. Mathematics. (of a vector) having specified magnitude and direction but no specified initial point. Compare bound1 (def. 9).
33. Also, large. Nautical. (of a wind) nearly on the quarter, so that a sailing vessel may sail free.
34. not containing a specified substance (often used in combination): a sugar-free soft drink.
35. (of a linguistic form) occurring as an independent construction, without necessary combination with other forms, as most words. Compare bound1 (def. 11).
36. without cost, payment, or charge.–adverb
37. in a free manner; freely.
38. Nautical. away from the wind, so that a sailing vessel need not be close-hauled: running free. –verb (used with object)
39. to make free; set at liberty; release from bondage, imprisonment, or restraint.
40. to exempt or deliver (usually fol. by from).
41. to relieve or rid (usually fol. by of): to free
one self of responsibility.
42. to disengage; clear (usually fol. by from or of).—Verb phrase
43. free up,
a. to release, as from restrictions: Congress voted to free up funds for the new highway system.
b. to disentangle: It took an hour to free up the traffic jam.
—Idioms
44. for free, Informal. without charge: The tailor mended my jacket for free.
45. free and clear, Law. without any encumbrance, as a lien or mortgage: They owned their house free and clear.
46.free and easy,
a. unrestrained; casual; informal.
b. excessively or inappropriately casual; presumptuous.
47. make free with,
a. to use as one's own; help oneself to: If you make free with their liquor, you won't be invited again.
b. to treat with too much familiarity; take liberties with.
48. set free, to release; liberate; free: The prisoners were set free.
49. with a free hand, generously; freely; openhandedly: He entertains visitors with a free hand.
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
I just had to do that. It doesn’t say anything about being free in your mind here. Oh, I think they cover more of that in the philosophy definition. What about:
Free: The only place you can really be free is in your mind and only you can experience that for yourself.
We could probably improve on that but I’m happy with it for now.
“Stay Free”
A quote from Pete Vententonio, AKA Jack Terricloth
…from a Sticks and Stones song.
Love ya tomorrow if today isn’t my last day on Earth….
Greg
The show with Hot Water Music was a dream and it was a good one. The Bouncing Souls rocked through a good set despite some technical difficulties and lack of rehearsal. We had a great time with everyone. Watching and listening to Hot Water Music was like enjoying the comfortable company of old friends and it was truly great of them to invite all The Souls back on stage to play True Believers as the last song of their set. I grabbed the mike and jumped down into the crowd, which is a way more fun place to be than the stage by the way. Everyone down there seemed to be about as stoked as you can get at a show so it was great to be a part of that. There is nothing like interacting with a few hundred other people on a level that is beyond a normal conversation. In the heat of the musical moment we can sometimes break through our everyday perception. We sometimes land on our feet in a place that feels so much more meaningful, so much more comfortable and natural than how we feel in the isolation of the world. When the music hits, you feel no pain. Bob Marley said the same thing well. The pain is gone and we all peek into that deeper sense of our oneness. We are bringing each other there in a sense. How beautiful is that? Way to go, US!!! We all got together and created a dream that we all wanted to be a part of. Thanks to everyone who was there and everyone who made it possible.
Strangely, I have been writing for hours and I still feel like writing. This doesn’t happen to me.
The words just kept popping in my head. “I have been afraid for most of my life.” I have been. I’m not happy to announce it either. Who likes to admit they are afraid. That’s not cool. That’s not tough. Chicks don’t dig it, man. People don’t admit they are afraid because… they are afraid. Well, I have been one of those people living in a self-made internal universe poking my head out of my shell only when I have to. I have been out in the world just enough to get by. I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding from the world too. I have developed an invisible cloaking system that works pretty well when I want to use it. Sounds pretty lame cuz..it is. If I keep it up I’m really gonna have some regrets and really..I’m fucking tired of regretting anything. Living on the mountain with Shanti has torn it all up and boiled it to the surface kicking and screaming, so to speak. There is really no where to hide up there. So the fearful guy was me and is me and I move on.
There are probably plenty of reasons why this fear had such a terrible grip on me. Some reasons I can guess and a lot that I’m probably not aware of. What I do know is two things: It hasn’t been fun living in fear, and once I started to become aware of it I couldn’t just change it overnight. Life starts to kick you in the ass until you face what you have to face though. It might be something else for you but for me it has been a strong tendency to just re-treat into my own internal world. I think its true for a lot of us though.
Luckily, I have engaged myself enough in this world to do reasonably well as the singer of the Bouncing Souls and do reasonably well as the husband of a beautiful and loving soul, Shanti. Fortunately for me she has had the love, strength, and patience to see past those pain in the ass, stuck in the mud, personality traits. I have not been easy to live with at times. It has been very hard for me to see that Shanti and I are one, not rwo different people. I mean we are very different in some ways but the oneness if us never changes. We are totally ONE, because we all are ONE. There were some tough times and because of Shanti’s persistence in what she knows to be true, that we are one, she didn’t give up on me. You cannot live in ONEness just sometimes. Shutting down is not an option and although I know this, breaking those old habits has not been easy. Through it all I’m glad I never gave up on us or myself. That’s one of the reasons Shanti loves me I think. We have had a lot of rough moments but overall I have always been there for her in my own way and WE have always been there for each other. Through it all our love has grown very deep and real. Everyday my appreciation for Shanti and our relationship grows greater and it makes me wonder about other peoples relationships and what levels they exist on. Each person in the relationship has to make a true commitment to themselves to make it work. I really thought I had made that commitment for a while but I just was not fully aware of the full extent of my mental habits. How we perceive our world and interact with it can be so hard to break from and re-arrange. So many times Shanti was there to be the mirror for me and for that I can’t even begin to describe what it means to me. She saved me in so many ways. I Love You.
I don’t know what I’m getting at here. I don’t know why I even feel the desire to pour out my innermost personal thoughts to this page. I have been resisting this kind of bare it all communication my whole life. I always made something else more important. I always managed to talk myself out of it but I realize it’s the most important thing I can do..and I just can’t keep it saved on a laptop for a later date…because TODay IS the LaAAAST DAY OF MY LIIFE!!!!! So the title goes.
The part of me that has held ME back in life is really what I’m trying to beat here. That holding on has been my monster to slay in a daily sword battle. True honest expression is the carrot I have been chasing and running away from at the same time. Sounds nutty cuz it is. It’s been really hard for me for some unknown reasons as I said before. And now that I’m doing it I want to do it completely. I’m sick of feeling like I could have said something more or something better. Do you know what I mean?
We are dreaming and we are communicating our dream experiences to each other so what’s really real? What I experience on the outside world becomes something else when you read about my story of it. But I am laying it out there as best I can. It might not be anything new but its coming from me so that’s the only reason I’m doing it..Because it makes me feel like I’m really alive. I’m living for something. I’m not just phoning it in. I tried that and it sucks.
Maybe I’m a late bloomer or maybe I’m just an old dog. You know,like the old saying: “You can’t teach and old dog new tricks.” I’m that old dog. Another thing I don’t like to admit but its true. I’m not a dead dog just an old dog.
What do I have to lose? My Fortune? My Fame? They don’t amount to a whole lot. What I don’t want to lose is the accessibility to my self that has been blocked by that nasty fear monster that would grip me around the neck and leave me speechless. I could blame it on “The Man.”
“Yeah..Society did this to me, man.”
“That’s Bullshit, Man. You’re just a white suburban punk like the rest of us.”
“But it Huuurts..”
Did you ever see Repo Man? That’s a quote from Repo Man. I don’t know if that’s it exactly but it’s the scene where the punk guy gets shot while robbing the convenience store. Let’s go to youtube again shall we? Yes! This movie is classic:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=554AX4l1tmw
The guy who is always burning stuff in the trashcan is definitely my favorite character but the whole movie is amazing. Part of me is trying to rob that convenience store and get away with it…. Just part of me..but there is no shortcut. I know that I can’t blame it on “The Man” (even though he does suck wherever he is) I know this, but living it is something else.
There is another part of me that sees the struggle we all go through trying to be free of the crazy baggage we carry around on our own various levels. In that awareness I see that I cannot be free unless I see all of myself as free. Including you. Free is a vague word here. Free meaning: Not tied down to mental or physical habits and dependencies or the world in any way. Free meaning: Living in the awareness that we are one with endless potential energy that keeps experiencing and re-experiencing on and on without constraints like, fear. Let’s get an official definiton:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freedom_(philosophy)
and:
1. enjoying personal rights or liberty, as a person who is not in slavery: a land of free people.
2. pertaining to or reserved for those who enjoy personal liberty: They were thankful to be living on free soil.
3. existing under, characterized by, or possessing civil and political liberties that are, as a rule, constitutionally guaranteed by representative government: the free nations of the world.
4. enjoying political autonomy, as a people or country not under foreign rule; independent.
5. exempt from external authority, interference, restriction, etc., as a person or one's will, thought, choice, action, etc.; independent; unrestricted.
6. able to do something at will; at liberty: free to choose.
7. clear of obstructions or obstacles, as a road or corridor: The highway is now free of fallen rock.
8. not occupied or in use: I'll try to phone her again if the line is free.
9. exempt or released from something specified that controls, restrains, burdens, etc. (usually fol. by from or of): free from worry; free of taxes.
10. having immunity or being safe (usually fol. by from): free from danger.
11. provided without, or not subject to, a charge or payment: free parking; a free sample.
12. given without consideration of a return or reward: a free offer of legal advice.
13. unimpeded, as motion or movement; easy, firm, or swift.
14. not held fast; loose; unattached: to get one's arm free.
15. not joined to or in contact with something else: The free end of the cantilever sagged.
16. acting without self-restraint or reserve: to be too free with one's tongue.
17. ready or generous in giving; liberal; lavish: to be free with one's advice.
18. given readily or in profusion; unstinted.
19. frank and open; unconstrained, unceremonious, or familiar.
20. unrestrained by decency; loose or licentious: free behavior.
21. not subject to special regulations, restrictions, duties, etc.: The ship was given free passage.
22. of, pertaining to, or characterized by free enterprise: a free economy.
23. that may be used by or is open to all: a free market.
24. engaged in by all present; general: a free fight.
25. not literal, as a translation, adaptation, or the like; loose.
26. uncombined chemically: free oxygen.
27. traveling without power; under no force except that of gravity or inertia: free flight.
28. Phonetics. (of a vowel) situated in an open syllable (opposed to checked).
29. at liberty to enter and enjoy at will (usually fol. by of): to be free of a friend's house.
30. not subject to rules, set forms, etc.: The young students had an hour of free play between classes.
31. easily worked, as stone, land, etc.
32. Mathematics. (of a vector) having specified magnitude and direction but no specified initial point. Compare bound1 (def. 9).
33. Also, large. Nautical. (of a wind) nearly on the quarter, so that a sailing vessel may sail free.
34. not containing a specified substance (often used in combination): a sugar-free soft drink.
35. (of a linguistic form) occurring as an independent construction, without necessary combination with other forms, as most words. Compare bound1 (def. 11).
36. without cost, payment, or charge.–adverb
37. in a free manner; freely.
38. Nautical. away from the wind, so that a sailing vessel need not be close-hauled: running free. –verb (used with object)
39. to make free; set at liberty; release from bondage, imprisonment, or restraint.
40. to exempt or deliver (usually fol. by from).
41. to relieve or rid (usually fol. by of): to free
one self of responsibility.
42. to disengage; clear (usually fol. by from or of).—Verb phrase
43. free up,
a. to release, as from restrictions: Congress voted to free up funds for the new highway system.
b. to disentangle: It took an hour to free up the traffic jam.
—Idioms
44. for free, Informal. without charge: The tailor mended my jacket for free.
45. free and clear, Law. without any encumbrance, as a lien or mortgage: They owned their house free and clear.
46.free and easy,
a. unrestrained; casual; informal.
b. excessively or inappropriately casual; presumptuous.
47. make free with,
a. to use as one's own; help oneself to: If you make free with their liquor, you won't be invited again.
b. to treat with too much familiarity; take liberties with.
48. set free, to release; liberate; free: The prisoners were set free.
49. with a free hand, generously; freely; openhandedly: He entertains visitors with a free hand.
99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
I just had to do that. It doesn’t say anything about being free in your mind here. Oh, I think they cover more of that in the philosophy definition. What about:
Free: The only place you can really be free is in your mind and only you can experience that for yourself.
We could probably improve on that but I’m happy with it for now.
“Stay Free”
A quote from Pete Vententonio, AKA Jack Terricloth
…from a Sticks and Stones song.
Love ya tomorrow if today isn’t my last day on Earth….
Greg
Chapter 1: The Ace Hotel
Chapter 1: The Ace Hotel
I arrived in Portland this evening after living for a few weeks at our house in the mountains 100 miles north of Boise, Idaho. It was a bit of an adjustment staying focused in the airport because I haven’t been around much of anything besides Shanti and the mountains for what seemed like a long time. I feel so at home in those mountains, so comfortable and quiet there in the solitude of a thousand trees and lots of chipmunks. You can hear the wind from far away as its coming towards you, rustling trees as it gets closer and closer. I feel so lucky to be able to wake up to such an amazing place everyday… Not to mention the incredible house we live in built by Shanti’s Dad and her family in the late 80’s. It’s truly like living in an ongoing work of art that I have become a part of. The art project that never ends.
Shanti’s Dad has told a few stories about the mountain area itself and how a lot of people have died up there under strange circumstances. The mountain itself is totally alive and aware of who and what is doing stuff on it. The more I live there the more I appreciate the energy of the mountain and the valley. It hasn’t eaten me yet!! Haha
I imagine what it was like for the Indians who lived there and the first few homesteaders who came primarily from Finland and settled the area. Idaho was one of the last states to be settled so its only been populated by white people for a little over 100 years. I even met a friend of Shanti’s whose grandmother traveled to the area with her family on a covered wagon as a little girl! She is still totally full of life. Their family has had the same property ever since they arrived.
That really wasn’t very long ago in the big picture of evolution. It was only a couple of generations back so its amazing to think of what has happened in that time…Wow!! Electricity, airplanes, Lego’s, magic markers, Les Pauls, Tang, Tele Tubbies, the internet, frozen pizza, Star Wars, Hubba Bubba, the Staten Island Ferry, Ferrari, dishwashers, Ipods and the list goes on and on and its all happened in such a short time. Spending a lot of time in the mountains is helping me appreciate all of these fun new gadgets but at the same time feel the wisdom and age of the mountains and nature itself. We are all connected to that wise spirit and I want to keep the line of communication with that spirit open. Just like the river that knows exactly where to go, I will flow.
The collective mind that created all this matter feels like its being controlled by the matter. I feel like my heart and soul were entirely swallowed into that matter controlled consciousness perception. Sucked into the world's grip, I was a living Sleep Walker..but i'm digressing to far. I’d rather get into more detail on that subject later. Right now lets talk about Portland.
My plane from Boise arrived in Portland an hour before the rest of the guys coming in from Jersey so I picked up the rental car and waited with Keebler who arrived around the same time as me.
Keebler is a good friend working the BS merch for this trip. He projects an uninhibited friendliness and is one of those people who has the unexplainable and effortless ability to lift you’re spirits just by being around him. I guess that’s probably why the nick-name, Keebler, managed to stick. Yes, Its Keebler like the Keebler elves. Just for reference’s sake, Let’s see what youtube has to offer..aha, Check this out:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=M_FO8sO2afk&feature=related
That was fun..anyway..We waited in the mini van outside baggage claim 9 and chatted about all kinds of stuff: The RNC in Minneapolis that happened a few days ago and the seemingly outrageous arrests surrounding it (if you want to read about them go to www.democracynow.org Its some more effd-up crap for the pile) and the surprise appearance of Rage Against the Machine at the Anti-Flag show in Minneapolis. They were going to play some songs after Anti-Flag but were barred from the stage by cops so they sang a song or two through a mega phone. Keebler and I gave our two cents to each other on the candidates and what could be in store for all of us in the coming years depending on the election outcome. We both agreed that McCain seems pretty old to be president. That seems kind of shallow when I read it but I feel like that’s a huge reason. He is so old school. Not like the Bouncing
Souls. We are:Olds Cool. HeHe..so I mentioned a short video I had just seen. The video is an interview with a POW who knew McCain from military training and being together in the same POW camp. He more or less says that he didn’t believe McCain could be a good president. Check it out:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=U-3RLx_4Y5Y
I feel like the presence of Obama represents a new world but is he capable carving a new frontier in a muddled mire of old world corruption and beauracracy? The reality of that corrupt government monster is truly staggering beyond my or even Obama’s understanding probably. Even if he becomes president how can he change all of the old school ways of the Senate and Congress? Who knows how many of them are bought and sold. Power to the People!
The guys arrived and we caught up on some details on the way to the Ace hotel in downtown Portland. We checked in, said Hello to Kate and the Hot Water guys who had arrived earlier and made our way to our rooms. Everybody went to run their own races until lobby call at 4pm the next day.
I walked to a pizza place and ran into DJ and Keebler. We ate and decided to stop by the bar everyone was at on the way back to the hotel. I said Hello to some people and talked with a good friend from Portland named, Mike Frey. Another positve and calming soul who happens to be the gutiar tech for My Chemical Romance. It was good to talk to him and catch up on our lives. I can only take about 30 minutes of a bar usually so I went back to my room and wrote the Introduction to this little writing thingy…good night.
I arrived in Portland this evening after living for a few weeks at our house in the mountains 100 miles north of Boise, Idaho. It was a bit of an adjustment staying focused in the airport because I haven’t been around much of anything besides Shanti and the mountains for what seemed like a long time. I feel so at home in those mountains, so comfortable and quiet there in the solitude of a thousand trees and lots of chipmunks. You can hear the wind from far away as its coming towards you, rustling trees as it gets closer and closer. I feel so lucky to be able to wake up to such an amazing place everyday… Not to mention the incredible house we live in built by Shanti’s Dad and her family in the late 80’s. It’s truly like living in an ongoing work of art that I have become a part of. The art project that never ends.
Shanti’s Dad has told a few stories about the mountain area itself and how a lot of people have died up there under strange circumstances. The mountain itself is totally alive and aware of who and what is doing stuff on it. The more I live there the more I appreciate the energy of the mountain and the valley. It hasn’t eaten me yet!! Haha
I imagine what it was like for the Indians who lived there and the first few homesteaders who came primarily from Finland and settled the area. Idaho was one of the last states to be settled so its only been populated by white people for a little over 100 years. I even met a friend of Shanti’s whose grandmother traveled to the area with her family on a covered wagon as a little girl! She is still totally full of life. Their family has had the same property ever since they arrived.
That really wasn’t very long ago in the big picture of evolution. It was only a couple of generations back so its amazing to think of what has happened in that time…Wow!! Electricity, airplanes, Lego’s, magic markers, Les Pauls, Tang, Tele Tubbies, the internet, frozen pizza, Star Wars, Hubba Bubba, the Staten Island Ferry, Ferrari, dishwashers, Ipods and the list goes on and on and its all happened in such a short time. Spending a lot of time in the mountains is helping me appreciate all of these fun new gadgets but at the same time feel the wisdom and age of the mountains and nature itself. We are all connected to that wise spirit and I want to keep the line of communication with that spirit open. Just like the river that knows exactly where to go, I will flow.
The collective mind that created all this matter feels like its being controlled by the matter. I feel like my heart and soul were entirely swallowed into that matter controlled consciousness perception. Sucked into the world's grip, I was a living Sleep Walker..but i'm digressing to far. I’d rather get into more detail on that subject later. Right now lets talk about Portland.
My plane from Boise arrived in Portland an hour before the rest of the guys coming in from Jersey so I picked up the rental car and waited with Keebler who arrived around the same time as me.
Keebler is a good friend working the BS merch for this trip. He projects an uninhibited friendliness and is one of those people who has the unexplainable and effortless ability to lift you’re spirits just by being around him. I guess that’s probably why the nick-name, Keebler, managed to stick. Yes, Its Keebler like the Keebler elves. Just for reference’s sake, Let’s see what youtube has to offer..aha, Check this out:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=M_FO8sO2afk&feature=related
That was fun..anyway..We waited in the mini van outside baggage claim 9 and chatted about all kinds of stuff: The RNC in Minneapolis that happened a few days ago and the seemingly outrageous arrests surrounding it (if you want to read about them go to www.democracynow.org Its some more effd-up crap for the pile) and the surprise appearance of Rage Against the Machine at the Anti-Flag show in Minneapolis. They were going to play some songs after Anti-Flag but were barred from the stage by cops so they sang a song or two through a mega phone. Keebler and I gave our two cents to each other on the candidates and what could be in store for all of us in the coming years depending on the election outcome. We both agreed that McCain seems pretty old to be president. That seems kind of shallow when I read it but I feel like that’s a huge reason. He is so old school. Not like the Bouncing
Souls. We are:Olds Cool. HeHe..so I mentioned a short video I had just seen. The video is an interview with a POW who knew McCain from military training and being together in the same POW camp. He more or less says that he didn’t believe McCain could be a good president. Check it out:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=U-3RLx_4Y5Y
I feel like the presence of Obama represents a new world but is he capable carving a new frontier in a muddled mire of old world corruption and beauracracy? The reality of that corrupt government monster is truly staggering beyond my or even Obama’s understanding probably. Even if he becomes president how can he change all of the old school ways of the Senate and Congress? Who knows how many of them are bought and sold. Power to the People!
The guys arrived and we caught up on some details on the way to the Ace hotel in downtown Portland. We checked in, said Hello to Kate and the Hot Water guys who had arrived earlier and made our way to our rooms. Everybody went to run their own races until lobby call at 4pm the next day.
I walked to a pizza place and ran into DJ and Keebler. We ate and decided to stop by the bar everyone was at on the way back to the hotel. I said Hello to some people and talked with a good friend from Portland named, Mike Frey. Another positve and calming soul who happens to be the gutiar tech for My Chemical Romance. It was good to talk to him and catch up on our lives. I can only take about 30 minutes of a bar usually so I went back to my room and wrote the Introduction to this little writing thingy…good night.
Introduction
Sept. 6
It's early in the morning and I'm awake in Portland. I'm in town for a one off BS show with Hot Water Music before we fly to New Jersey to do some song writing. I'm restlessly awake and feeling every little movement in the world and its making me a little nutty. The intro to a new song in life is starting and it's not like anything I've heard before. You know that feeling when you hear a new song from a band you have loved for years and its hard to accept something new from them. You feel like you are gonna be let down and it will ruin all the greatness of past memories somehow. My life is playing a new song, things are changing and the there is a strange intro going. Do I like it? Do I love it? I can't even tell yet but I can't turn it off so..Here it goes.
My awareness of my self, the world and everything is opening up in new ways on a moment to moment basis that is enjoyable, explosive, dangerous, uncomfortable, terrifying, exciting, regretful, lonely and challenging in a whole slew of new ways all at the same time. There is stuff going on in the world right now that is insane and unjust in so many places and on so many levels I don't know where to start. The humanity of humans is teetering on the brink of new beauty and understanding in one moment and disgusting diabolical self-hatred in the next and we are all in the middle of the mix. Can you feel my brothers and sistas!!!? The drama of life needs every bit of positive and negative to exist so it's all-perfect, Right? Well, it might be perfect but its still not so easy to live it everyday with some style, grace and unforgettable love instead of going completely ballistic so….. The simple answer for me is to take care of each other and love each other? It could be simple but it's just not even close to a reality in this world. Evolutionary growing pains?? Maybe. That's what I wanna know. We are seemingly on a rapid advance of evolution on some levels and so quickly and incredibly stupid at the same time.
This life has been a constant battle to break down the walls that confine me in my own solitude and to open up new pathways of understanding in myself and somehow catapult it out there in the darkness to the hearts of others. Through the music and experience of the Bouncing Souls I have found some security, joy and friendship that has been able to grow outward little by little over the past twenty years. But when I think again it’s just a blip in my memory that has set me up on the cliff of this moment. They were all passing moments and I'm facing head on with the same challenges and a bunch of new ones. The past is gone; the future is now. Like some guy said somewhere. Our entire lives seem a preparation for the next moment and so on and so on ..and so on. We endlessly exist in little worlds of false security that only get broken down to reveal new understandings, sometimes blissful and sometimes very painful and scary to face… So it all just sits there on the back burner of myself, a ready and waiting friend that is my experience. The whole experience that is the key to my individuality and all that I have really. The more we can share our experiences and maybe create little bits of coziness in our seemingly unstable environments, the closer we get to reveal a completeness we all have never known…or maybe we just have totally forgotten and we are fumbling in a self created fog to find a completeness that has always been.
A new change is coming in my life and the world and I can feel it big time as we probably all do in many different ways. I feel like we are all expanding and changing so fast it's not easy to keep up with everything, survive and enjoy/soak up the moment in life all at the same time... Maybe it's just me but maybe its not. So hopefully getting these grammatically incorrect words out of me, an bounce them off the handball court wall of the universe will be the bullet through the apple of knowledge..?? Does that make sense? I don't know but it sounds cool so I'm leaving it. Maybe it will help me make sense of it all just a little bit more. Its about gas prices and war but its about so much more, like this:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=U-3RLx_4Y5Y
Watching that makes you realize our "reality" is so incredibly fragile.
… so I am going to try to document my experiences, ideas and feelings in a way I never have before. Today is my last day on earth..I think that will be the title of this project. Yup, that's what its gonna be. "Today Is My Last Day On Earth." I like it. Self expression seems like an on going itch that never seems to get scratched just right…so I keep looking for a new angle to attack it. That's kind of a melodramatic goofy analogy but what the hell, I'm an melodramatic goofy guy.
Love And Rock and Roll Forever,
Greg
It's early in the morning and I'm awake in Portland. I'm in town for a one off BS show with Hot Water Music before we fly to New Jersey to do some song writing. I'm restlessly awake and feeling every little movement in the world and its making me a little nutty. The intro to a new song in life is starting and it's not like anything I've heard before. You know that feeling when you hear a new song from a band you have loved for years and its hard to accept something new from them. You feel like you are gonna be let down and it will ruin all the greatness of past memories somehow. My life is playing a new song, things are changing and the there is a strange intro going. Do I like it? Do I love it? I can't even tell yet but I can't turn it off so..Here it goes.
My awareness of my self, the world and everything is opening up in new ways on a moment to moment basis that is enjoyable, explosive, dangerous, uncomfortable, terrifying, exciting, regretful, lonely and challenging in a whole slew of new ways all at the same time. There is stuff going on in the world right now that is insane and unjust in so many places and on so many levels I don't know where to start. The humanity of humans is teetering on the brink of new beauty and understanding in one moment and disgusting diabolical self-hatred in the next and we are all in the middle of the mix. Can you feel my brothers and sistas!!!? The drama of life needs every bit of positive and negative to exist so it's all-perfect, Right? Well, it might be perfect but its still not so easy to live it everyday with some style, grace and unforgettable love instead of going completely ballistic so….. The simple answer for me is to take care of each other and love each other? It could be simple but it's just not even close to a reality in this world. Evolutionary growing pains?? Maybe. That's what I wanna know. We are seemingly on a rapid advance of evolution on some levels and so quickly and incredibly stupid at the same time.
This life has been a constant battle to break down the walls that confine me in my own solitude and to open up new pathways of understanding in myself and somehow catapult it out there in the darkness to the hearts of others. Through the music and experience of the Bouncing Souls I have found some security, joy and friendship that has been able to grow outward little by little over the past twenty years. But when I think again it’s just a blip in my memory that has set me up on the cliff of this moment. They were all passing moments and I'm facing head on with the same challenges and a bunch of new ones. The past is gone; the future is now. Like some guy said somewhere. Our entire lives seem a preparation for the next moment and so on and so on ..and so on. We endlessly exist in little worlds of false security that only get broken down to reveal new understandings, sometimes blissful and sometimes very painful and scary to face… So it all just sits there on the back burner of myself, a ready and waiting friend that is my experience. The whole experience that is the key to my individuality and all that I have really. The more we can share our experiences and maybe create little bits of coziness in our seemingly unstable environments, the closer we get to reveal a completeness we all have never known…or maybe we just have totally forgotten and we are fumbling in a self created fog to find a completeness that has always been.
A new change is coming in my life and the world and I can feel it big time as we probably all do in many different ways. I feel like we are all expanding and changing so fast it's not easy to keep up with everything, survive and enjoy/soak up the moment in life all at the same time... Maybe it's just me but maybe its not. So hopefully getting these grammatically incorrect words out of me, an bounce them off the handball court wall of the universe will be the bullet through the apple of knowledge..?? Does that make sense? I don't know but it sounds cool so I'm leaving it. Maybe it will help me make sense of it all just a little bit more. Its about gas prices and war but its about so much more, like this:
http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=U-3RLx_4Y5Y
Watching that makes you realize our "reality" is so incredibly fragile.
… so I am going to try to document my experiences, ideas and feelings in a way I never have before. Today is my last day on earth..I think that will be the title of this project. Yup, that's what its gonna be. "Today Is My Last Day On Earth." I like it. Self expression seems like an on going itch that never seems to get scratched just right…so I keep looking for a new angle to attack it. That's kind of a melodramatic goofy analogy but what the hell, I'm an melodramatic goofy guy.
Love And Rock and Roll Forever,
Greg
The First One
I just set up this blog site to get my thoughts, feelings and ideas out into the universe just a little bit more. I have been inspired by a new collection I will be working on called, "Today is My Last Day On Earth" Each chapter will be here for all to see and hopefully I will add some photos when I can. Keep on coming back and bring yourself with a comment or whatever you want to say!!
Love and RockNRoll all the Time,
Greg
Love and RockNRoll all the Time,
Greg
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