The sun is up and the weather is amazing. I listened to a Love and Rockets cd I found in Kate’s car called Earth Sun Moon. I probably hadn’t really listened to it since high school so it was amazing to hear it again. I heard so much more in it. So many little things in the production are awesome and the songs that I thought were just ok are totally amazing. So fun to see/hear the same ol things in a new light.
Yesterday’s song writing session with the Souls was a total success. We all managed to stay focused for more than four hours straight and we got some good results. The Supersuckers played at Wonderland down the street so I went down there and met back up with Pete and Bryan and ran into a few more friends. The Supersuckers were good. I hadn’t see them since the first time I saw them open up for Bad Religon in ?? ’94 maybe.
Writing these chapters and doing my best to expose all my thoughts and feelings has been so worthwhile. I think some friends are wondering if I’m ok..I really am. I’m better than ever. The more I do it, the more the isolation and separateness dissipate. The results are instantaneous with every word. The comments I have been getting are amazing and become part of the process. Some of them are so good I think I have to put them together into a blog unto itself. The best part is seeing how some people are instantly a part of the process and feel they know it’s all a piece of their inner world too. Its like we all have our gold locked up in our little chests and we don’t want anyone to see it because we might lose a hold of it. The truth is so much the opposite but we are so programmed to keep a tight grip on everything because we might “give to much away,” or “reveal to much about ourselves” Only we lose out when we live in that mentality.
I’m a ham. I’m a whore for attention and I never get enough love. I always want more. I was desperate as a kid. Why else would I have become the singer of a punk band. I was dying for attention, praise and glory to boost myself up. I really needed it badly because deep down I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love myself enough to stand up on my own. It’s taken thousands of people to love me to finally get me to turn the tide. Its’s kind of crazy when I think about it. Thousands can love you but if you can’t love yourself it doesn’t matter. I was able to see so much beauty in others but I was not able to see that all of that beauty is and was a part of me too. That perspective has slowly been changing and is being solidified with a new more open perspective on every moment.
It’s important to remember that I’m really nobody special and yes I am a crazy but in a good way.. I have a few talents and I have been around some other talented people and have made it work. I’m a clutz and I’m pretty mentally slow about most things on a daily basis. Just so you know. The most important thing to remember is that ALL the beauty we see is us. If you think I’m special well it is you that you are seeing in that seeing. Does that make sense?
So I love the compliments and the all the Love. I use to try to cover it up and pretend I didn’t really care but, I love it. I’m a glory hound and I know it. Addicted to love…but I also know we all are endlessly amazing and I love to share the glory and attention. We can only see our amazingness by being right in the middle of it, totally alive. We have to realize it all the time. We have to experience it and keep experiencing it until we know it is all incredible without a doubt.
Here is a message I received from Ben, and eighteen year old from Colorado, I just couldn’t believe he was eighteen after reading his words.
So I wanted to include you in this message because you are part of it. It’s addressed to me but it’s for everybody so plug yer name in the beginning and know its true.
Hi _____,
I've always wanted to send a little love your way, and thank you for what you do in this world. And after following your new blogs, now seemed the best moment. As it is now.
Your ability to articulate things I feel every day, but have never heard anyone else talk about is a beautiful gift. And to offer the human family that gift is one of the most beautiful, noble, and perfect things a human can do. Such a gift is a rare, and sacred jewel. I doubt you will ever be able to experience the full grandeur of that effect on people's lives, but I want to offer you my most profound thanks for your words, and your love. It is something that is truly special.
There have been many moments in both my life, and the lives of people close to me that would have crushed us without a helping hand from the pure words of the human experience carried by a vessel appropriate for them. In times of turmoil, and no control, the only way to freedom is often to be comforted by what is closest to you, and can never be taken away. The music is that ultimate freedom.
Freedom is the obvious choice. And failing to see internal oppression makes it very difficult to really be free. The result is the numbness that is too often chosen over freedom in hopes of pushing the pain away. Freedom comes from within, with love and compassion for oneself, and all others. This path is often painful, but is the way to see the true spectrum of the divine colors of the world. It is the path to truly being alive. The pain becomes an accent to the beauty, as the suffering dissolves.
Thank you for giving me not only the strength to stay on that road, but the knowledge that I'm not alone.
You are a beautiful soul. And an overflowing vessel of the beauty that's in this perfect world when the walls of negativity are torn away, and the people sing together as one. It is in that moment, we see ourselves as who we are: brothers and sisters of the same mind, and of the same heart. So from mine to yours, I extend the deepest gratitude for the many ways you have shared the freedom you've found, and the freedom you wish to find.
And as you sing, so shall we sing along.
Much Love,
Ben
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1 comment:
Beautiful...
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