Pouring out your heart and soul can be considered, dangerous. We are outwardly and subliminally taught that vulnerability will leave you open for attack, or let people know too much about you. On some level this is correct. There are plenty of people out there who will use anything they can to manipulate you including the things you say about yourself…but truly what can anyone really do to you by knowing every secret you ever had.. They formulate opinions about you anyway no matter if you are goody 2 shoes or walking on the bad side. So lets step back and see what we are getting at….
I'm really making an effort to get past all these things just for my own happiness. I know that it's good for people to hear/read too but in the end I just want to keep firing my stoke on life all the time. I might be stating the obvious sometimes but I want to keep stamping it into my system. Saying things like we are all amazing isn't all that original but it has an impact on some level. On various levels probably. The laws of positivity keep us all on the same ground. We all have the potential to exert positive or negative energy into our existence all the time. We all have that choice equally. Obvious..right?
Another of my annoying personality traits has been the internal stress ball. I appear pretty cool and collected on the outside while things are churning pretty wildly inside. Our inner worlds are who we REALLY are so that makes me a total stress ball…again I'm stating the obvious for me. If you are perfect you don't have to read this part...The things is..we all have the common sense to know how things "should be" intellectually but how many of us are actively living and standing by what we believe. We read great books, or hear about lofty ideas in well written beautiful songs but what the hell are we doing and THINKING every moment. Is that what defines us? What does define who we are?
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"What you give is What you get" and so another cliché goes. It doesn't have much impact when I read it but we really need to hear positivity and feel it all the time. If we care about each other we will continue to create that together… It's a constant creative process. Each new moment can go in any direction so we have to keep on training those muscles. We exist in a volatile and constantly changing universe..WE Are exploding stars re-generating into some new form all the time. The positive muscle needs a lot of exercise to flourish in this world. So that's why I keep writing. …I am back in the gym working out here a bit.
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Now that I'm getting a little more comfortable writing and posting these things I feel like there are so many ideas I want to talk about…but I don't know where to start. That's why we write songs..so we can express huge feelings and massive moments in 2 or 3 minutes. Its been fun to elaborate on details here and touch subjects that are always swimming around my head but I don't really talk about. It's really not easy to harness them into language and words that other people can understand too. How much goes on in your head that you don't talk about? If you are anything like me there is a good amount of interesting stuff that comes in and out without getting some real love and attention. For example I have been obsessed with Happiness my whole life..I always want it. I am seeking it. I don't have it. I think other people have it and I don't. I think I have it and other people don't . What the hell is it really though. What have I really been after? Lets look at wikiquotes:
*"Your soul is yearning for such a love that could extend the peace and happiness of your mind to a non-ending limit and make your heart blissful forever ." -Jagadguru Kripalu Ji Maharaj
I bought that one because it best describes how I feel about the journey I am on at the moment. I have been/done so many things trying to be happy. I have been a total selfish bastard, in countless attempts to achieve something that I thought would be happiness. I was trying to catch some elusive monster called "happiness" so I could feel it, experience it and keep it for myself. It sounds crazy. It is. This kind of mentality would just trap me into my own little hell...but I have kept on truckin. Talking about this stuff is great..it helps me get things into perspective and its fun.
"The Obvious" is the title of this blog for "obvious" reasons. We are all so similar and on the same page in so many ways but we really have to keep making a constant effort to break down the walls so we see the similarities and don't feel so isolated. Nothing is really as it seems which would mean nothing is really obvious. That sounds kinda cool I'm going to end with that.
2 comments:
I really wish I didn't relate quite so much to this entry.
It's weird, because in conversation or in speaking to someone I can be very very open but what freaks me out is having very personal things I said/wrote/did in print or on the web or in any form that feels "permanent" that just anyone can see. A conversation between two people just disappears into the air, so it feels "safer" to me.
But anyway, I sometimes think about what it means to be "brave." To me, bravery is when you are afraid to do something but you do it anyway. It doesn't matter how small it is.
A lot of small things make me very anxious but I do them anyway because I know I need to be brave and get over those feelings by just doing the things I'm afraid of. Happiness may be difficult to define but I'm fairly certain it's not living in fear and anxiety about little stupid things.
I'm pretty sure I've made this comment already but anyway - over the course of the last four and a half months or so I've tackled a lot of things I've been afraid to do for years. Giving up the security of a good job with health insurance to live by the seat of my pants in a way. Following random artistic impulses even if they scare me a little. Ordering a drink from the bartender in a bar (believe or not, one of my more ridiculous and unfortunately, well-known phobias). But it's great because I'm happier right now than I've ever been. The only happier time I can remember is the day I got married, but it's hard to beat that kind of pure joy.
I've thought about deleting every single comment I've made here so far. But I haven't yet, even though it makes me anxious to know all these personal details are "out there." We'll see how long that lasts I guess! They might stay on the internet forever or they might be all gone tomorrow.
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